Mother-In-Law ?

A Karenina · Post by **A Karenina** » Sun Feb 06, 2005 12:05 pm

My son has been dating the same girl since high school. She lives in Chicago, and he lives here in Oregon. Somehow, young as they are, they've managed to hold it together. I'm amazed at it myself.

She is visiting Portland for the first time. They will be over to my house later today for dinner. I've never met her, and apparently she's terrified to meet me. Cause I'm so scary and all that. :p

I don't know if they will marry or not. He talks about it, but he wants to get his life in order first. I respect him for taking it all so seriously. <~~~Proud mom!

I thought it might be fun to hear those dreaded mother-in-law stories. After all, I might be one some day, and I'll need some tips! LOL

BabyRider · Post by **BabyRider** » Sun Feb 06, 2005 12:23 pm

Ah. The infamous mother-in-law. My MIL to be is a total head case. I managed to alienate her the same day I met her and am actually relieved. She lives in Georgia (we are in Michigan) and she came up over Thanksgiving to meet me and spend 5 five FIVE FIVE long days with us. In my house. I was terrified also, and Matt had told me some rather "odd" things about her. So I was on pins and needles for the whole two weeks before she got here. WELL. The first day, Matt had to work, and "Pam" and I were left to ourselves. NOT a great idea. She is a Jehovah's Witness and was hell-bent on getting Matt to come back to the church. When I discovered this, (by her beginning to preach the damn religion to me) I told her in no uncertain terms that she was NOT to put that kind of pressure on him. He's 35, got burned by the church, and we have decided to make our life without the "help" of any religion. Especially not the 2 we were each raised in. Well, Pam did not take well to being told her efforts would be unappreciated, and we got into a rather heated argument about what was right for Matt. She got pouty and stomped off to the guest room and wouldn't come out. Fine. No problem. The next day was Thanksgiving, and she was coming with us to my dad's first and then my mom's. She did not speak a single word to me the whole day, and once we got to my mom's, she parked herself on the couch and then decided an hour later that she wanted to go home. So, Matt had to take her back to our house, pack her up, and take her to a hotel because she refused to spend the night in my house. She went back to Georgia the next day, and has not spoken to Matt since then. This was the day Matt and I announced our engagement to my family also. He was mortified. Now, I can see her being upset with me, and that's fine. I'm not some teenager meeting my high schoool boyfriend's mom. I'm not much on making nice and bending over backwards to make an impression. This is me, like it or lump it. Maybe that's a bit abrasive, but again, it's me. I don't bite my tongue, I don't sit by and let things happen that I see as wrong. And if Pam doesn't like that OR me, so be it. But someone please tell me HOW this crazy broad justifies writing off her own son, because she doesn't like me???

So, there ya go AK. My horror story about MIL's. Tips? I don't know, but if you find yourself in a similar situation, I highly doubt you'll write off YOUR kid!!! :yh_angry :-5

capt_buzzard · Post by **capt_buzzard** » Sun Feb 06, 2005 6:46 pm

I love my Mother in Law. I really do

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Peg · Post by **Peg** » Sun Feb 06, 2005 6:47 pm

The first time I met my MIL, my sister was with us. Out of the clear, blue sky she says, "Peg can't use a vibrator. She chips her teeth on it." I was embarrassed as heck, my MIL loved it. I still think to this day her son had married my sister instead of me. LOL

capt_buzzard · Post by **capt_buzzard** » Sun Feb 06, 2005 6:56 pm

Peg wrote: The first time I met my MIL, my sister was with us. Out of the clear, blue sky she says, "Peg can't use a vibrator. She chips her teeth on it." I was embarrassed as heck, my MIL loved it. I still think to this day her son had married my sister instead of me. LOLPoor gal, your sis,that she actually needed one of those things:(

minks · Post by **minks** » Mon Feb 07, 2005 9:06 am

I wrote my MIL off a few months ago when she blew off my oldest daughter and accused her of being the cause of the ex's drinking problems. So **** on her. Sorry I have nothing nice to say about the old bat.

I am sure the girl will be just fine once she meets you. You know at my advanced age (40+) meeting the BF's mother was dam scarey. I have to admit she still thinks he is a virgin even though he was married for bloody 16 years prior to us meeting heheheh. No not true, she finally admitted to him last week that she thinks he spends nites over at my house. Yikes I am betting she thinks of me as corrupting the prodigal son ahahahahaha Nevah!!!

A Karenina · Post by **A Karenina** » Mon Feb 07, 2005 9:17 am

Ouch! Some of these MILs are from hell! Sheesh! I'm so sorry you guys have had to go through this kind of stuff.

Well, they didn't come over after all. Between watching the SuperBowl, and her nerves (bless her heart) it got to be so late that I postponed it. They are supposed to meet me for lunch tomorrow instead. That might be easier for her - shorter, anyway.

This girl has done a lot for my son. She stood by him while his dad was dying, and that's not an easy thing to do - especially when you're 16/17 at the time. Mostly, my son says that he feels wonderful when he's with her. Good enough for me.

But, even if I thought she was the worst person possible for him, I can't see writing him (or her) off. Wow...that blows me away, how cold some people can be. Thank god your men have you guys to love them!

minks · Post by **minks** » Mon Feb 07, 2005 9:42 am

On a plus note here I must add when I was married the ex quite like my mother and I will brag a moment as she is the kindest person around and sould not say **** if her mouth was full of it. She gives everyone a fair chance. Now my dad on the other hand wooooo weeeeee he is a tough nut.

A Karenina · Post by **A Karenina** » Wed Feb 09, 2005 7:42 pm

Hi kookieq

Excellent point about not intruding. I will have to remind myself that I won't step in where it's not my business.

Well, I met the girl. She is SO pretty! If they marry, I will have lovely brown-eyed grandkids.

I liked how they interacted together - very comfortable. My son is very gentle with her, and he tries hard to make her smile. It doesn't take much to make her smile, so points for them both.

She said that she was very nervous meeting me, but after a half hour or so she felt comfortable with me. I was very glad to hear this, and gave her a big hug. Of course, that probably scared her all over again! LOL

I asked what she wanted to be, and she replied that she wants to be in the FBI. She was nervous about telling me this, since I was a stay-at-home mom and she knows it. I simply looked at my son and told him that he'd better be good if he's gonna be with a woman who knows how to use a gun. We all laughed.

My son has this terrible habit of trying to herd your opinion to match his opinion.

He asked her what she wanted to do after lunch.

She said she wanted to go to the Rose Garden to see Mt Hood (it was a clear day, rare this time of year).

He said that the IMAX movie at the museum started at 3.

She said she knew that.

He said that they should go to the IMAX movie as planned.

She said she would like to see Mt Hood.

He was silent for a minute.

I swear this happened...he said, "I think we'll go to the Rose Garden. I get the feeling that you would like to see Mt Hood."

I grinned at them both, and told my crazy child that I thought he was right, she does want to see Mt Hood.

He was so proud of himself, huge grin. She and I laughed. He didn't know why, but he didn't care. He just seemed happy that she and I got along so well.

So, I like her very much, and she seems to like me, too. Yay! :-6

BabyRider · Post by **BabyRider** » Wed Feb 09, 2005 7:58 pm

AK it sounds like you're off to a good start with her!

I hope I can do as well when my son starts dating. I'm a "tad" protective, and no matter how old they get, they are still our children.

No matter what I KNOW I'll never be as whacko as my own MIL!!!

A Karenina · Post by **A Karenina** » Wed Feb 09, 2005 8:16 pm

You'll be great, BabyR. Your love for him pours through every time you write about him.

Protective? You probably are, and nothing wrong with that. But when he meets a girl and his eyes shine like they did at Christmas when he was 3...you'll be just as happy for him as he is.

And I won't mention the part where you go kick her a** if she breaks his heart. I'm just kidding. My son has been through one, only one, thank goodness. They do survive and they do learn, and I swear it's harder on us because we can only watch, and make their favorite dinner.

Since we're chatting, I haven't found your job update yet. Any news?

BabyRider · Post by **BabyRider** » Wed Feb 09, 2005 8:26 pm

Thanks for the vote of confidence! You're more sure of me than I am! Someone hurts my family and I'm a bit of a nut. :yh_rotfl

The job is still on hold :yh_wait I talked to them yesterday and they are still conducting interviews. I sent a note after the working interview thanking them for their time, yada yada, and made a follow-up call after that. Maybe they'll hire me just to shut me up!! As soon as I hear, I'll be sure to update everyone. Thanks for thinking of me!! :yh_bigsmi

koan · Post by **koan** » Thu Feb 10, 2005 2:04 am

My mother is a horrible MIL. I was just warning my beau that the last time she talked to a boyfriend (first convo) she told him that my daughter would always come first...before his son. And she hoped he understood that.

She even made it sound like she was talking for me as well.

:-5 :-5 :-5

I was so choked I couldn't speak with her for over a month.

I have a saying now refined to

Don't drink and dial. It can be fatal.

persephone · Post by **persephone** » Thu Feb 10, 2005 2:30 am

I've had two serious long term relationships, the first I was engaged... The first potential MIL was small and worn down by the men in the family, I know how judgemental this is, but I found her to be weak. In my family women are the stronger type, her husband beat the kids for no reason and she done nothing to stop it and other stuff like that. I also found her to be suffocating. She was though at the end of the day a lovely woman.

The second had mediterian blood and drama queen is not the word... Mental health problems coming out of her ears, the mafia are after her you know.

It was always like walking on egg shells when ever she was about, and the family denied it was happeneing, she is however someone I would under normal circumstanses get on with and be scared off.

weeder · Post by **weeder** » Thu Feb 10, 2005 2:31 am

What Ive heard my whole life is true. Its a bummer to have sons marry. Because if the daughter in laws dont keep in touch.. your left twisting in the wind. We are Yankees my sons and myself. New York through and through. Both boys married very quiet reserved southern girls.The girls both led very restricted lives growing up. The two daughter in laws are intimidated by me. Not because Im over bearing or meddling (I live 9 hours away from them) just because they are not accoustomed to my personality. They also find the close relationship that my sons and I have a little odd. We are close because I was a single parent, and it is a different bond, than coming from an intact family. t would be great if I could have had a daughter in law to be closer to. But I feel as long as the boys are happy, thats good enough for me. The mother in laws I have had have been enablers.

Having too much to do with their sons lives, picking up the pieces of every failure.

Didnt allow their sons to become men. Which of course paved the way for failed relationships. Quite un healthy and sad. Difficult to be involved with these tormented individuals.Mothers and Mother in Laws have a lot of power.

minks · Post by **minks** » Thu Mar 10, 2005 4:18 pm

I am happy to admit I have no Legal MIL wahoooo cause the one I used to have has become itch with a b and I hope some day she pays dearly for her abandoning her grand children.