this man is crazy

minks · Post by **minks** » Mon Oct 22, 2007 1:25 pm

Oh no I am having another round with the ex husband. It's been text message after text message today with him.

It is crazy truly crazy. He is yet again trying to win me back.

He has been talking with our oldest daughter and is very unhappy in his marriage and has told her he wants me back. What a thing to tell the kid. Anyways before I knew this all, I agreed to have a drink with him this eve with hopes of maybe helping him and Jr Minks fix their relationship.

Well that kind of gave him false hope about me, I said no, I am not on the same page as he in this, I told him I don't want to go back to what we had, divorce was final I won't go backwards. He presses and presses, tells me he still remembers our first meeting, the birth of the girls, wants that relationship again, wonders if his marriage and my dating failed because of what we have missed out on being divorced. And even told me he looks at my pics that my oldest has on her facebook. I told him I would love to help work with him to have it fixed with the girls... and could be his friend, he pushes on for more saying friendship is not an option. He even made me feel like crap for crushing his hopes.

The worst part of it is we went down this path back in January, I said my feelings have not changed.

I feel bad he is so miserable but am not his solution. I worked dam hard to put him behind me after the ugly divorce. :-5:-5

I don't need advise just had to vent.

WonderWendy3 · Post by **WonderWendy3** » Mon Oct 22, 2007 1:35 pm

Vent away SISTA!! I feel your pain!! Don't let him guilt you into feeling bad....tell him the only trip you are gonna take is to the United States to see WonderWendy....guilt trips are NOT an option!!:driving::driving:

Pheasy · Post by **Pheasy** » Mon Oct 22, 2007 1:36 pm

WonderWendy3;711860 wrote: Vent away SISTA!! I feel your pain!! Don't let him guilt you into feeling bad....tell him the only trip you are gonna take is to the United States to see WonderWendy....guilt trips are NOT an option!!:driving::driving:

and Pheasy :-6

mikeinie · Post by **mikeinie** » Mon Oct 22, 2007 1:40 pm

So he has remarried and is nowsaying he is unhappy! What a looser! Minks, you are not responsible for his relationship with your daughter, dump him and move on completely, he will be a rock around your neck forever, distance yourself.

minks · Post by **minks** » Mon Oct 22, 2007 1:40 pm

oh good plan gals

chonsigirl · Post by **chonsigirl** » Mon Oct 22, 2007 1:41 pm

Vent away, minks.

WonderWendy3 · Post by **WonderWendy3** » Mon Oct 22, 2007 1:42 pm

mikeinie;711863 wrote: So he has remarried and is nowsaying he is unhappy! What a looser! Minks, you are not responsible for his relationship with your daughter, dump him and move on completely, he will be a rock around your neck forever, distance yourself.

very well said Mike!! I agree!:)

And I like our plan too....:-6

minks · Post by **minks** » Mon Oct 22, 2007 1:43 pm

mikeinie;711863 wrote: So he has remarried and is nowsaying he is unhappy! What a looser! Minks, you are not responsible for his relationship with your daughter, dump him and move on completely, he will be a rock around your neck forever, distance yourself.

Thanks Mike you are so right, I have my feet back under me, he can't hurt me anymore I just had a stupid moment of feeling bad. Crikey he is going to our oldest daughter for advise on what to do about me. She is only 20 and doesn't need this from her father. UGH:-5

minks · Post by **minks** » Mon Oct 22, 2007 1:44 pm

jimbo;711869 wrote: move on minks :-6:-6

JIMBO put that on a tshirt and send it to me please

minks · Post by **minks** » Mon Oct 22, 2007 1:45 pm

chonsigirl;711868 wrote: Vent away, minks.

thanks hun....

I feel rather stupid haveing said to him this morning sure lets go have a drink then he unloaded all the texts about how badly he misses me, crikey to admit he's checking up on my via E's facebook is disturbing as heck.

weeder · Post by **weeder** » Mon Oct 22, 2007 1:46 pm

Its sort of like a combination flattering to you..... pathetic for him kind of thing. Men never want to do the work necessary to move on, and be healthy. they never grasp the magnitude of what we women go through emmotionally to work through the heart break of our failed marriages.

I wasnt always this perfect and smart:) 7 years ago, I was on my knees in a parking lot.... begging the man that I had broken up with... to take ME back. I THANK GOD, EVERY DAY THAT HE DIDNT.

WonderWendy3 · Post by **WonderWendy3** » Mon Oct 22, 2007 1:46 pm

He reminds me of my ex, and I have said many times that I hope his young wifey doesn't ever leave him, because I like that he leaves me the heck alone!!

I can relate 100%....

littlemissgiggle · Post by **littlemissgiggle** » Mon Oct 22, 2007 1:47 pm

skip over the pond and visit me too

my dad has tried the same thing with my mum.

i know he still holds a torch for her but she is so much better without him 11 years divorced this year and i still remember the pain he gave her over me and my sister.

Just don't go there, once there is divorce thats it, and just remember what he put you and your kids through :-4

minks · Post by **minks** » Mon Oct 22, 2007 1:49 pm

weeder;711879 wrote: Its sort of like a combination flattering to you..... pathetic for him kind of thing. Men never want to do the work necessary to move on, and be healthy. they never grasp the magnitude of what we women go through emmotionally to work through the heart break of our failed marriages.

I wasnt always this perfect and smart:) 7 years ago, I was on my knees in a parking lot.... begging the man that I had broken up with... to take ME back. I THANK GOD, EVERY DAY THAT HE DIDNT.

Oh Weeder that is exactly exactly how I look back at it all as too. I told him I am completely in love with finally having 100% control of my emotions, time, space, finances and life in general.

minks · Post by **minks** » Mon Oct 22, 2007 1:51 pm

Regret is a nasty thing, I can't wrap my head around how one can bail on a marriage jump into another and when it fails think they can go back to the first one.:-5

Makes me feel like he thinks I am stupid.

minks · Post by **minks** » Mon Oct 22, 2007 1:52 pm

Oh yeah and it's still a warped kind of control thing I think he hangs onto as well.

Post by **Bryn Mawr** » Mon Oct 22, 2007 1:54 pm

So having lost control of you he now wants to get it back?

Think about why you divorced

minks · Post by **minks** » Mon Oct 22, 2007 1:56 pm

Bryn Mawr;711893 wrote: So having lost control of you he now wants to get it back?

Think about why you divorced

yep exactly, exactly, he had the control back then big time I saw that too late, and now being on my own I know it was just that, he had the control, I gave up everything I was to be the wife, and mother. I am in control now me over me bottom line nobody will ever take that again,,,, no wonder I am single eh.

neffy · Post by **neffy** » Mon Oct 22, 2007 2:15 pm

hey minks stay as you are only yourself to answer to hun xx

WonderWendy3 · Post by **WonderWendy3** » Mon Oct 22, 2007 2:15 pm

minks;711896 wrote: yep exactly, exactly, he had the control back then big time I saw that too late, and now being on my own I know it was just that, he had the control, I gave up everything I was to be the wife, and mother. I am in control now me over me bottom line nobody will ever take that again,,,, no wonder I am single eh.

Preach it Sista!! that is me in a nutshell!! Doesn't it feel good??

I feel like that was a complete different person that put up with that crap! I'd love to see him try to get back into my life now!! bwahahahhahahaha

minks · Post by **minks** » Mon Oct 22, 2007 2:20 pm

WonderWendy3;711914 wrote: Preach it Sista!! that is me in a nutshell!! Doesn't it feel good??

I feel like that was a complete different person that put up with that crap! I'd love to see him try to get back into my life now!! bwahahahhahahaha

We were separated at Birth you and I girl ahahahaha

Ugh just when I think I got it together this idiot has to try and wreck havoc on my life.

cars · Post by **cars** » Mon Oct 22, 2007 2:35 pm

minks;711896 wrote: yep exactly, exactly, he had the control back then big time I saw that too late, and now being on my own I know it was just that, he had the control, I gave up everything I was to be the wife, and mother. I am in control now me over me bottom line nobody will ever take that again,,,, no wonder I am single eh.

You just haven't met mr. right yet minks! When you do, & you most likely will one day, you'll see. Since now you have your head screwed on straight these days, & know what you really want from a guy, & what to look out for that you don't want.

Even though you said you weren't looking for advise, everyone has already told you to forget your troublesome ex. And with good reason, you know best of all, that they're right. But sometimes it's just reassuring to hear it from your friends, telling you your'e right. So . . . . . . You're right!!!

;)

weeder · Post by **weeder** » Mon Oct 22, 2007 2:40 pm

minks;711884 wrote: Oh Weeder that is exactly exactly how I look back at it all as too. I told him I am completely in love with finally having 100% control of my emotions, time, space, finances and life in general.

It is a hard earned well deserved, emmotionally healthy place we live in now. I for one, wouldnt give it up for 2 million dollars. The only pitfall is having grown this much emmotionally... and having gained the eyes to read a male with " Issues" from a mile away..... I seriously doubt I will ever find one that I would long to spend time with again. All of us single moms walked through fire to get to where we are today... I seriously doubt we would be willing to jump back into the flames.

Patsy Warnick · Post by **Patsy Warnick** » Mon Oct 22, 2007 2:46 pm

Minks

Can't go backwards - although there is alittle someone inside you chuckling, sure I'll have a drink with you - spill your guts - ooooppps - too late.

He's not so Happy on that other side - you know where the grass is greener..

I had one like that too - I had changed so much after the divorce process - that you couldn't bribe me with anything. Things change so much..

Keep us posted

Patsy

Nomad · Post by **Nomad** » Mon Oct 22, 2007 3:27 pm

Well you dont need advice anyhoo. I can tell.

You da bomb.

along-for-the-ride · Post by **along-for-the-ride** » Mon Oct 22, 2007 3:37 pm

Bottom line...never get involved with anyone who is still involved with someone else.

IMO

sunny104 · Post by **sunny104** » Tue Oct 23, 2007 6:29 am

if he's not happy with his life/marriage that's his problem.

you are very obviously better off without him! :yh_hugs

:-6

minks · Post by **minks** » Tue Oct 23, 2007 7:02 am

I feel so much better today, happy as a lark that I did not hear further from the ex after I told him I was not the solution to his pitiful life.

It felt good.

And to all of you guys, thanks a million for the great words of advise and support. Wow gals how is we all found the same crappy kind of men.

Yeah anyone who has ended any relationship and come out the other side feeling better about yourself... go treat yourself to something special, you all deserve rewards.

Thanks again everybody.

Peg · Post by **Peg** » Tue Oct 23, 2007 7:11 am

Awwww---Take the poor guy back.

NOT

An ex is an ex for a reason.

minks · Post by **minks** » Tue Oct 23, 2007 7:13 am

Peg;712115 wrote: Awwww---Take the poor guy back.

NOT

An ex is an ex for a reason.

you got it

Lady G · Post by **Lady G** » Tue Oct 23, 2007 7:16 am

My ex is rather like yours too. I think what they miss is the fact that we did everything they asked, or demanded and perhaps his new "piece" is not as accomodating.

My poor new hubby doesnt stand a chance in hell of ever demanding anything but affection from me.............................

minks · Post by **minks** » Tue Oct 23, 2007 7:18 am

Lady G;712120 wrote: My ex is rather like yours too. I think what they miss is the fact that we did everything they asked, or demanded and perhaps his new "piece" is not as accomodating.

My poor new hubby doesnt stand a chance in hell of ever demanding anything but affection from me.............................

quite true

His current wife has made my ex her 3rd husband hmmmm that has to say something for her eh. Ahahaha

Lady G · Post by **Lady G** » Tue Oct 23, 2007 7:59 am

minks;712121 wrote: quite true

His current wife has made my ex her 3rd husband hmmmm that has to say something for her eh. Ahahaha

I am a true beleiver of what goes around comes around.....................MMMUUUAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Indian Princess · Post by **Indian Princess** » Wed Oct 24, 2007 9:28 am

there are reasons people get divorced, I also feel your pain,everytime I have taken the ex-husband back, it's the same, now I just wont.