Nigerian Advance Fee Scam

Post by **jones jones** » Sat Feb 02, 2008 8:07 am

I’m sure that by now most of us know about “The Nigerian Advance Fee Scam that predates the Internet. It’s also known as “Four-One-Nine. referring to the Nigerian law for fraud. The majority of the messages initially claimed to be coming from people in Africa, especially Nigeria, but now the emails seem to be coming from every part of the globe. Anyone who hasn’t heard of it can learn more on TruthOrFiction.com

I received the following letter by e-mail. It is a “tongue in cheek letter from a recipient of these scams. Maybe I have a weird sense of humour but I this hilarious.

From: Mikey

To: Suzy

Hey Suzy,

In the last two weeks I have received five Internet offers. Each one was from an individual that desired to make me the recipient of a bodaciously huge sum of cash.

Three of these offers were from various Nigerian bank employees. Men with larceny in their hearts who were looking for the same among folk in the good old USA.

Starting with: Dr. Ramadan Abdu, who is or was until recently, (I’ll get to that part in a minute) the: “bill and exchange manager of the “African Development Bank. Dr. Ramadan Abdu is “trusting to hear from you (me) immediately as he has found a 30 million dollar account that was abandoned, all of which is in good old American greenback denominations!

Suzy, it gets better! This truckload of cash was just lying around somewhere in or near the bank’s “bill and exchange department.

A pile of dead presidents that was just begging to be given to some stranger. For a mere 40 percent of the “out of country take (He sounded pretty damn desperate so I’m thinking that I can wear him down until he agrees to 25 percent.)

I was still chewing the fat off this here tasty offer when I get another e-mail offer from the Nigerian B of A! No, it wasn’t the “Bank of America, which was what I thought at first, but the “Bank of Africa! Which to my way of thinking (and I’ll do my best someday to try and explain to you exactly how this process works) is a lot better than just “The Bank of Nigeria. I mean, for Chrise sakes Suzy, this is the bank for the whole damn African continent!

Mr. George Williams, the “bill and exchange manager of “B of A has located another COMPLETELY DIFFERENT ACCOUNT! Containing the “abandoned sum of 30 million U.S. dollars that he wants to hook me up with!

Now my mind is chewing on two huge meaty, fatty, tasty, greasy gobs of some kind of “African road kill surprise and two of such is a feast for any man’s mind to masticate his way through.

When: KABOOM! The hat trick: “Mother of all internet offers of outrageous financial fortunes that are yours for the taking arrives in my inbox. A Mr. Ellis Lee, who also works for the African Development Bank and is also the “bill and exchange manager there, has an “offer for me.

Which makes me wonder if Dr. Ramadan Abdu was caught doing the “Nigerian two step with the 30 million dollar account that he was going to send my way, leaving an opening in the “bill and exchange department that Mr. Lee had the good fortune to be assigned to.

I use the term “good fortune because Mr. Lee no sooner has the job, title and access to the bank’s “letters of account when “WHAMO he roots out another 11 million dollar abandoned account!

Like one of those truffle sniffing porkers from France that ferrets out those tasty fungi!

Obviously Mr. Lee was plugged into the same mysterious, “mumbo jumbo, chilli gumbo, whodoo, voodoo, hey you, who gnu? energies that seen to be highly concentrated in or around the “bill and exchange departments of Nigerian banking institutions.

Can it any longer be denied, (with a straight face) that: “God has my back?

I must be sucking all the luck out of the known universe for two complete strangers, who are both from Nigeria, who have both: “located; run across; discovered; and or become aware of “three entirely different abandoned accounts that had 30 million US buckaroos in them.

And then have another Nigerian in the know, toss towards my mind’s already full hands and mouth, another 11 million dollar gob of meaty, chewy, fatty, rib of road kill ¦ right off the grill.

That’s 71 million Suzy! The Trifecta of Internet offers of robber baron type wealth! I can finally get that 21-foot long, fibreglass bass boat! (And an extra set of oars!)

What are the odds? Never mind. I don’t want to cheapen the magic of this moment with sound mathematics or basic applications of logic and reason1

Even more amazing, all three of these fine upstanding, hardworking bank employees with larceny coursing through their veins, have picked me to be the recipient of their grossly misspelled offer!

Choosing me, I am sure in some cosmic conniption fit connection, a la: “bury the chicken bone, kismet, juju, coo coo ca choo Mrs. Robinson manner that us “westerners will never understand.

It’s one of those beautiful, inscrutable, immutable, lootable, not suitable for children, or anyone else who isn’t suffering from the last stages of Alzheimer’ type offers. One of those cosmic mysteries that occasionally work their way up under the skin of a person’s reality.

But not this time! No way Jose!

I figure that at least one, and possible two of these offers have the potential of an exponential to the tenth power payout. But as you can see, with both of my mental hands, as well as my mind’s mouth, full to the choking point with “fresh from the grill Nigerian road kill riches, I’m in need of a little help.

I could use your finely honed and razor sharp analytical bonafides as concerns this matter. To help me navigate the Byzantine intricacies of counter-scamming a Nigerian Internet scammer.

Not that I think that this is a real possibility in these three particular instances. But I didn’t fall off a turnip truck last night. It was a rutabaga truck and that was years ago.

Get back to me on this one Suzy. I think we’ve finally latched onto a real live opiated pipe dream!

I will tell you later about the two “notifications that I received from the “Irish Sweepstakes Claims Department.

You won’t believe how much I’ve won!