The Art Of Battle

Nomad · Post by **Nomad** » Mon Feb 04, 2008 5:22 pm

Arguments, differences of opinion, debate...

Is there an essential ingredient in getting what you want yet leaving your opponent with his/her dignity intact ?

How is this done ?

Pheasy · Post by **Pheasy** » Mon Feb 04, 2008 5:39 pm

I think you should be able to state your opinion on things in a way that does not offend, and still be able to show respect for another opinion even if you don't agree with it.

Patsy Warnick · Post by **Patsy Warnick** » Mon Feb 04, 2008 5:42 pm

I feel you should be able to state your opinion on any subject -

theres no reason to sling mud with personal attacks to get your point across.

Thats how you have a conversation..

Patsy

grh · Post by **grh** » Mon Feb 04, 2008 5:47 pm

I have no trouble backing away from an argument if I realize my opponent is a hairs breath away from foaming at the mouth. I also have no problem leaving an argument once I've said what I want to say. Doesn't matter to me if they come back with something too too clever for words, either.

I'm quite sure that folks have walked away feeling they have bested me in an argument when in fact they've been arguing with themselves because I moved on a long time ago. I'm equally sure I've been trounced in an argument and remained blissfully unaware of it.

:o

Nomad · Post by **Nomad** » Mon Feb 04, 2008 6:00 pm

Patsy Warnick;771230 wrote: I feel you should be able to state your opinion on any subject -

theres no reason to sling mud with personal attacks to get your point across.

Thats how you have a conversation..

Patsy

What if another was offended by your deeds or words yet your intentions were anything but harmful ?

What if the offended is "sensitive"?

Do you compromise your stand in order to repair feelings ?

Sheryl · Post by **Sheryl** » Mon Feb 04, 2008 6:04 pm

I think we should all be able to state our opinions. We should all be able to read other's opinion's without taking everything as a personnel attack. If your going to debate heated topics, you should have thick skin, it looks like.

Mystery · Post by **Mystery** » Mon Feb 04, 2008 7:45 pm

Personally, I don't think we should ever compromise our own standards or feelings to repair someone else's, as (and someone already pointed this out) another person's feelings are not in our control in the first place. I have to always look to my own intentions, and if causing harm was not part of my plan, and I can honestly say I did nothing to cause said harm, then I'm in the good. This doesn't mean I should'nt be aware of another's feelings, but I have to realize that other's have to own their own emotions just as I have to mine.

grh · Post by **grh** » Mon Feb 04, 2008 8:17 pm

Nomad;771237 wrote: What if another was offended by your deeds or words yet your intentions were anything but harmful ?

What if the offended is "sensitive"?

Do you compromise your stand in order to repair feelings ?

Never, although I have been known to pause long enough to tell someone it's not personal. But, ya just can't spend you're whole life apologizing... although probably some folks should...

:D

WonderWendy3 · Post by **WonderWendy3** » Mon Feb 04, 2008 8:32 pm

Nomad;771215 wrote: Arguments, differences of opinion, debate...

Is there an essential ingredient in getting what you want yet leaving your opponent with his/her dignity intact ?

How is this done ?

I like to think I state my thoughts on subjects with trying not to offend anyone.

It has been brought to my attention recently that i've upset someone indirectly, that person hasn't directly told me, therefore I feel that I can't apologize for something I wasn't aware of and the person prefers to talk behind my back and tell others nasty things about me instead....so where does that leave me in the "art of battle????"

grh · Post by **grh** » Mon Feb 04, 2008 9:37 pm

WonderWendy3;771305 wrote: I like to think I state my thoughts on subjects with trying not to offend anyone.

It has been brought to my attention recently that i've upset someone indirectly, that person hasn't directly told me, therefore I feel that I can't apologize for something I wasn't aware of and the person prefers to talk behind my back and tell others nasty things about me instead....so where does that leave me in the "art of battle????"

How do you know this person is talking behind your back? How do you know that they are telling others nasty things about you? Seems to me that where you are in this battle is 'being played'. A real friend would cut off someone attempting to talk about you behind your back, not encourage it so that they get the dirt for you. A real friend would not allow someone to tell others nasty things about you without standing up and saying 'don't do that to my friend'.

A person that I upset, I can understand them not being real happy with me and telling anyone they can get to listen. But the person who comes to me with the stories... I'd have to ask them why they didn't put a stop to it.

Patsy Warnick · Post by **Patsy Warnick** » Tue Feb 05, 2008 12:15 am

I don't post my opinion to offend anyone - I post my opinion to the subject of discussion.

Given the number of viewers some won't agree with my opinion and thats ok - and other opinions make you think outside your barriers and can be educational, thats the beauty of this forum.

Do I back off from foul comments or over achievers - yes

I can usually estimate the age of someone by the comments, which usually don't deserve / warrant a reply.

I won't argue to prove my point or push my opinion - Do I care if others talk about me - NO. I'm quite comfortable allowing someone else getting the last word - this probably came with age.

The art of battle is developed with the grace of age

Patsy

Post by **spot** » Tue Feb 05, 2008 1:47 am

ThePheasant;771228 wrote: I think you should be able to state your opinion on things in a way that does not offend, and still be able to show respect for another opinion even if you don't agree with it.

I'd love to be able to state my opinion on things in a way that does not offend, I keep working on it. I'm getting a lot better.

Is there no such thing as an unrespectable opinion? One which is, in itself, incapable of respect? Like - oh, let me see - each life among that group of people is worth less than each life among this group of people? Being born one of those, it's desirable that his life should tend to be harder than if he'd been born one of these? It's odd how often opinions like that crop up. Should we not be impolite about those opinions? I'm not suggesting we should go so far as to describe the person holding them as bad or stupid or short-sighted or plain evil, just that it's fair to say their opinion is beneath contempt.

weeder · Post by **weeder** » Tue Feb 05, 2008 4:31 am

My beliefs pretty much arent opened for discussion, anymore. I have no desire to change anyones mind ( Except for my kids) about anything. Battles

have no appeal for me. I avoid confrontation at all costs. I have had very few arguments in my life. The only issues I will debate are those which would compromise my freedom, or my integrity. When I have been forced to do this, I really never used a stradegy. I have never been concerned with anyone talking about me. Im not a good warrior. I belong in the mess hall.

Mystery · Post by **Mystery** » Tue Feb 05, 2008 7:55 am

rjwould;771300 wrote: Great post, mystery. What bothers me is, none of this is taught in the school system. We know so much about psychology now and there is no great mystery to it, as opposed to when our parents were our age, and, for various reasons we refuse to give our young these important lessons.

We are psychological animals.

That's my favorite subject, and what my degree is in

Personally, I believe some sort of life skills training courses should be made available to young people to help them get a better grip on day to day situations.