In the course of my business I am very often involved with elderly people who are giving up their homes and moving to what used to be known as “old age homes. It is now more politically correct to refer to them as “retirement facilities.
Obviously it is impossible for many children to take one or both of their aged parents into their home and take care of them properly. However isn’t there perhaps a better way of placing your parents in a retirement home so that the move is far less traumatic?
Most of these men and women are aged seventy upwards and a very large percentage of them do not appear too keen to relocate to these “retirement villages/cottages. In fact in many cases their children seem to be more enamoured with the idea than their parents.
I have usually been asked to be present at their houses in order to provide them with valuations for sale and insurance purposes and the scenario goes something like this: Mom and or dad are seated in the living room of their house often in which they have lived for forty and sometimes more years.
Their children have flown in from various parts of the country or in some cases from overseas and one of them, usually the oldest daughter, takes over.
Daughter: “Mom, you won’t be needing this lounge suite it’s far too big for your cottage.
Mum: “But can’t we try fit it in dear?
Daughter: “No it won’t fit ma ¦ I know.
Mum (sighing): Okay then.
Daughter (scratching through a box mum has packed): “Ma what on earth are you going to do with this stuff? Where do you think you’re going to pack these papers and albums and magazines cuttings?
Mum: “But its about your father/brother when they played cricket/rugby/football.
Daughter; “Its junk mum ¦ I’m throwing it out. Turns to me and rolls her eyes.
And so it goes on with mum and or dad just sitting there watching all their memories being taken from them and thrown out. Eventually they are carted off to a retirement home and if they are lucky they relocate to a small one-bedroom cottage. If not they move into a single room and the children fly back home.
Having been involved in this sort of thing more times than I care to remember, I now watch the death notices in the local newspapers. Sure enough ¦ in many many cases within six ... often three and sometimes in only two months, the people involved, mum or dad die. The most recent case was now last November when we sold up an elderly lady’s assets and her son moved her into a retirement home. He phoned me yesterday to say his mother had died and would I arrange to collect and sell the contents of her room.
I’ve often discussed this phenomena with my staff and we have come to the conclusion that when these old people watch their furniture and many of the personal effects being taken away, every happy memory they still have being thrown out so to speak, they just decide it is time to give up ¦ time to die.
Anyone have any theories on why this so often happens?
when i grow too old
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jones jones
- Posts: 6601
- Joined: Sat Jan 26, 2008 7:30 am
when i grow too old
"…I hate how I don’t feel real enough unless people are watching." — Chuck Palahniuk, Invisible Monsters
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kayleneaussie
- Posts: 9127
- Joined: Fri Jun 01, 2007 3:11 am
when i grow too old
Well I thik in a lot of cases the children make the decision to move the parents. I hope when I am older I will make the decision when I move and where I move to.I also think as you get older you have to have hobbbies an will to get up in the mornings and enjoy life otherwise yes your just going to give up.
We have some nice retirement homes over here that have swimming pools tennis courts and lots of activities to do BUT they are only for the rich, if your just an average joe blow the retirement homes dont have much so they dont give you the insentive to keep living.
We have some nice retirement homes over here that have swimming pools tennis courts and lots of activities to do BUT they are only for the rich, if your just an average joe blow the retirement homes dont have much so they dont give you the insentive to keep living.
FOC THREAD PART 1
when i grow too old
jones jones;789187 wrote: In the course of my business I am very often involved with elderly people who are giving up their homes and moving to what used to be known as “old age homes. It is now more politically correct to refer to them as “retirement facilities.
Obviously it is impossible for many children to take one or both of their aged parents into their home and take care of them properly. However isn’t there perhaps a better way of placing your parents in a retirement home so that the move is far less traumatic?
Most of these men and women are aged seventy upwards and a very large percentage of them do not appear too keen to relocate to these “retirement villages/cottages. In fact in many cases their children seem to be more enamoured with the idea than their parents.
I have usually been asked to be present at their houses in order to provide them with valuations for sale and insurance purposes and the scenario goes something like this: Mom and or dad are seated in the living room of their house often in which they have lived for forty and sometimes more years.
Their children have flown in from various parts of the country or in some cases from overseas and one of them, usually the oldest daughter, takes over.
Daughter: “Mom, you won’t be needing this lounge suite it’s far too big for your cottage.
Mum: “But can’t we try fit it in dear?
Daughter: “No it won’t fit ma ¦ I know.
Mum (sighing): Okay then.
Daughter (scratching through a box mum has packed): “Ma what on earth are you going to do with this stuff? Where do you think you’re going to pack these papers and albums and magazines cuttings?
Mum: “But its about your father/brother when they played cricket/rugby/football.
Daughter; “Its junk mum ¦ I’m throwing it out. Turns to me and rolls her eyes.
And so it goes on with mum and or dad just sitting there watching all their memories being taken from them and thrown out. Eventually they are carted off to a retirement home and if they are lucky they relocate to a small one-bedroom cottage. If not they move into a single room and the children fly back home.
Having been involved in this sort of thing more times than I care to remember, I now watch the death notices in the local newspapers. Sure enough ¦ in many many cases within six ... often three and sometimes in only two months, the people involved, mum or dad die. The most recent case was now last November when we sold up an elderly lady’s assets and her son moved her into a retirement home. He phoned me yesterday to say his mother had died and would I arrange to collect and sell the contents of her room.
I’ve often discussed this phenomena with my staff and we have come to the conclusion that when these old people watch their furniture and many of the personal effects being taken away, every happy memory they still have being thrown out so to speak, they just decide it is time to give up ¦ time to die.
Anyone have any theories on why this so often happens?
Oh,, thats sad:-1 i am gonna be more stubborn ,,, definately :sneaky: my mum in law passed away last summer and i know for a fact all my dad in laws kids will never allow him to go in to a home:D as long as i have my faculties i wil be too strong to allow my kids to rule my life!
Obviously it is impossible for many children to take one or both of their aged parents into their home and take care of them properly. However isn’t there perhaps a better way of placing your parents in a retirement home so that the move is far less traumatic?
Most of these men and women are aged seventy upwards and a very large percentage of them do not appear too keen to relocate to these “retirement villages/cottages. In fact in many cases their children seem to be more enamoured with the idea than their parents.
I have usually been asked to be present at their houses in order to provide them with valuations for sale and insurance purposes and the scenario goes something like this: Mom and or dad are seated in the living room of their house often in which they have lived for forty and sometimes more years.
Their children have flown in from various parts of the country or in some cases from overseas and one of them, usually the oldest daughter, takes over.
Daughter: “Mom, you won’t be needing this lounge suite it’s far too big for your cottage.
Mum: “But can’t we try fit it in dear?
Daughter: “No it won’t fit ma ¦ I know.
Mum (sighing): Okay then.
Daughter (scratching through a box mum has packed): “Ma what on earth are you going to do with this stuff? Where do you think you’re going to pack these papers and albums and magazines cuttings?
Mum: “But its about your father/brother when they played cricket/rugby/football.
Daughter; “Its junk mum ¦ I’m throwing it out. Turns to me and rolls her eyes.
And so it goes on with mum and or dad just sitting there watching all their memories being taken from them and thrown out. Eventually they are carted off to a retirement home and if they are lucky they relocate to a small one-bedroom cottage. If not they move into a single room and the children fly back home.
Having been involved in this sort of thing more times than I care to remember, I now watch the death notices in the local newspapers. Sure enough ¦ in many many cases within six ... often three and sometimes in only two months, the people involved, mum or dad die. The most recent case was now last November when we sold up an elderly lady’s assets and her son moved her into a retirement home. He phoned me yesterday to say his mother had died and would I arrange to collect and sell the contents of her room.
I’ve often discussed this phenomena with my staff and we have come to the conclusion that when these old people watch their furniture and many of the personal effects being taken away, every happy memory they still have being thrown out so to speak, they just decide it is time to give up ¦ time to die.
Anyone have any theories on why this so often happens?
Oh,, thats sad:-1 i am gonna be more stubborn ,,, definately :sneaky: my mum in law passed away last summer and i know for a fact all my dad in laws kids will never allow him to go in to a home:D as long as i have my faculties i wil be too strong to allow my kids to rule my life!
FOC THREAD PART1
In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
Martin Luther King Jr.
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kayleneaussie
- Posts: 9127
- Joined: Fri Jun 01, 2007 3:11 am
when i grow too old
Yea kaz my daughter said she will take me in when I get too old, god luv her.:-4
FOC THREAD PART 1
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Kathy Ellen
- Posts: 10569
- Joined: Wed Mar 15, 2006 4:04 pm
when i grow too old
Oh, that just made me cry JJ. When my parents passed, my brothers and I sat around and discussed what we'll do with all of their possessions. My one brother just wanted to sell everything. So, my other brother and I took all of the furniture and lovely bits and pieces and kept many and gave others to our nieces and nephews.
I look around my home right now and look at all of my parents treasures and realize how lucky I am to have had such a great life with my parents. Their possessions are treasures to me not junk as my brother would think.
I think that the elderly give up because their children have taken their home away from them and they feel that their life is over. It seems to me that when one member dies the other follows within a 2 year span....it must be so lonely for them when their mate has gone.
I lived with my mother in her home for 2 years before she died. It was a difficult time because she had alzheimers. I'm glad we stayed in her home and I cherish the last 2 years I had with her:-4
I look around my home right now and look at all of my parents treasures and realize how lucky I am to have had such a great life with my parents. Their possessions are treasures to me not junk as my brother would think.
I think that the elderly give up because their children have taken their home away from them and they feel that their life is over. It seems to me that when one member dies the other follows within a 2 year span....it must be so lonely for them when their mate has gone.
I lived with my mother in her home for 2 years before she died. It was a difficult time because she had alzheimers. I'm glad we stayed in her home and I cherish the last 2 years I had with her:-4
when i grow too old
jones jones;789187 wrote: In the course of my business I am very often involved with elderly people who are giving up their homes and moving to what used to be known as “old age homes. It is now more politically correct to refer to them as “retirement facilities.
Obviously it is impossible for many children to take one or both of their aged parents into their home and take care of them properly. However isn’t there perhaps a better way of placing your parents in a retirement home so that the move is far less traumatic?
Most of these men and women are aged seventy upwards and a very large percentage of them do not appear too keen to relocate to these “retirement villages/cottages. In fact in many cases their children seem to be more enamoured with the idea than their parents.
I have usually been asked to be present at their houses in order to provide them with valuations for sale and insurance purposes and the scenario goes something like this: Mom and or dad are seated in the living room of their house often in which they have lived for forty and sometimes more years.
Their children have flown in from various parts of the country or in some cases from overseas and one of them, usually the oldest daughter, takes over.
Daughter: “Mom, you won’t be needing this lounge suite it’s far too big for your cottage.
Mum: “But can’t we try fit it in dear?
Daughter: “No it won’t fit ma ¦ I know.
Mum (sighing): Okay then.
Daughter (scratching through a box mum has packed): “Ma what on earth are you going to do with this stuff? Where do you think you’re going to pack these papers and albums and magazines cuttings?
Mum: “But its about your father/brother when they played cricket/rugby/football.
Daughter; “Its junk mum ¦ I’m throwing it out. Turns to me and rolls her eyes.
And so it goes on with mum and or dad just sitting there watching all their memories being taken from them and thrown out. Eventually they are carted off to a retirement home and if they are lucky they relocate to a small one-bedroom cottage. If not they move into a single room and the children fly back home.
Having been involved in this sort of thing more times than I care to remember, I now watch the death notices in the local newspapers. Sure enough ¦ in many many cases within six ... often three and sometimes in only two months, the people involved, mum or dad die. The most recent case was now last November when we sold up an elderly lady’s assets and her son moved her into a retirement home. He phoned me yesterday to say his mother had died and would I arrange to collect and sell the contents of her room.
I’ve often discussed this phenomena with my staff and we have come to the conclusion that when these old people watch their furniture and many of the personal effects being taken away, every happy memory they still have being thrown out so to speak, they just decide it is time to give up ¦ time to die.
Anyone have any theories on why this so often happens?JJ I also am very much into Antiques and used to run Fairs.I often look at my own Antiques and realise that all we own is only borrowed and one day they will belong to somebody else just as they did before I borrowed them.Its not easy growing older and having also sung in OAP homes I have seen that side of the coin also.Some look so sad...remembering I guess what they had.....their lives...their youth.....their loves....their homes.........
None of us know whats in store for us I guess JJ and its all according to so many things how we will all end up.If you have children it can go so many ways.My mother had Cancer and when she came out of hospital I had her stay here even though I had a crap childhood I couldnt let her go back to her flat.She died in this house and I thank God for that short time we had together as for the first time in my life I saw the real her come through.No I would never have put her in a home no matter what..........what will happen to me God only knows but today is for living and tomorrow I will worry about that.
Obviously it is impossible for many children to take one or both of their aged parents into their home and take care of them properly. However isn’t there perhaps a better way of placing your parents in a retirement home so that the move is far less traumatic?
Most of these men and women are aged seventy upwards and a very large percentage of them do not appear too keen to relocate to these “retirement villages/cottages. In fact in many cases their children seem to be more enamoured with the idea than their parents.
I have usually been asked to be present at their houses in order to provide them with valuations for sale and insurance purposes and the scenario goes something like this: Mom and or dad are seated in the living room of their house often in which they have lived for forty and sometimes more years.
Their children have flown in from various parts of the country or in some cases from overseas and one of them, usually the oldest daughter, takes over.
Daughter: “Mom, you won’t be needing this lounge suite it’s far too big for your cottage.
Mum: “But can’t we try fit it in dear?
Daughter: “No it won’t fit ma ¦ I know.
Mum (sighing): Okay then.
Daughter (scratching through a box mum has packed): “Ma what on earth are you going to do with this stuff? Where do you think you’re going to pack these papers and albums and magazines cuttings?
Mum: “But its about your father/brother when they played cricket/rugby/football.
Daughter; “Its junk mum ¦ I’m throwing it out. Turns to me and rolls her eyes.
And so it goes on with mum and or dad just sitting there watching all their memories being taken from them and thrown out. Eventually they are carted off to a retirement home and if they are lucky they relocate to a small one-bedroom cottage. If not they move into a single room and the children fly back home.
Having been involved in this sort of thing more times than I care to remember, I now watch the death notices in the local newspapers. Sure enough ¦ in many many cases within six ... often three and sometimes in only two months, the people involved, mum or dad die. The most recent case was now last November when we sold up an elderly lady’s assets and her son moved her into a retirement home. He phoned me yesterday to say his mother had died and would I arrange to collect and sell the contents of her room.
I’ve often discussed this phenomena with my staff and we have come to the conclusion that when these old people watch their furniture and many of the personal effects being taken away, every happy memory they still have being thrown out so to speak, they just decide it is time to give up ¦ time to die.
Anyone have any theories on why this so often happens?JJ I also am very much into Antiques and used to run Fairs.I often look at my own Antiques and realise that all we own is only borrowed and one day they will belong to somebody else just as they did before I borrowed them.Its not easy growing older and having also sung in OAP homes I have seen that side of the coin also.Some look so sad...remembering I guess what they had.....their lives...their youth.....their loves....their homes.........
None of us know whats in store for us I guess JJ and its all according to so many things how we will all end up.If you have children it can go so many ways.My mother had Cancer and when she came out of hospital I had her stay here even though I had a crap childhood I couldnt let her go back to her flat.She died in this house and I thank God for that short time we had together as for the first time in my life I saw the real her come through.No I would never have put her in a home no matter what..........what will happen to me God only knows but today is for living and tomorrow I will worry about that.
Women are bitchy and predictable ...men are not and that's the key to knowing the truth.
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along-for-the-ride
- Posts: 11732
- Joined: Wed Mar 02, 2005 4:28 pm
when i grow too old
What you have said,JJ, is so true..........and so sad.
What an aged person wants is to still be part of their family. When they are sent to a home, they feel like they are being banished or exiled.
What an aged person wants is to still be part of their family. When they are sent to a home, they feel like they are being banished or exiled.
Life is a Highway. Let's share the Commute.
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chonsigirl
- Posts: 33633
- Joined: Mon Mar 07, 2005 8:28 am
when i grow too old
You bring them home with you, I hope my children will do the same for me one day.
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elvispercival
- Posts: 1
- Joined: Sat Mar 01, 2008 3:05 pm
when i grow too old
when my dad was given 8 weeks to live after being diagnosed with a brain tumor.....he died 8 weeks earlier.
i am convinced that had he not been given this death date that he would still be here.......maybe when old folk are placed in care homes its the same kinda thing.......the comedy "waiting for god" looks at this , sort of , in the title anyway.
my wife used to work in a care home and said there were never many asian residents, that asians tend to take care of elderly members of their families themselves....i dunno how true this is but it certainly shows more respect to look after your loved ones than not.
i am convinced that had he not been given this death date that he would still be here.......maybe when old folk are placed in care homes its the same kinda thing.......the comedy "waiting for god" looks at this , sort of , in the title anyway.
my wife used to work in a care home and said there were never many asian residents, that asians tend to take care of elderly members of their families themselves....i dunno how true this is but it certainly shows more respect to look after your loved ones than not.
when i grow too old
When I get too old to safely live at home alone, I would hope I would make it as easy as possible for my children to move me where they do not have to constantly worry about my safety. Don't ever think it is an easy thing for them to do. On the outside looking in, you may think they appear "normal". Unless they have shared the whole story with you, you do not know about them getting lost, buying things in excess, normal every day tasks become nearly impossible.
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Patsy Warnick
- Posts: 4567
- Joined: Fri Feb 03, 2006 12:53 am
when i grow too old
JJ
I'm experiencing this exact situation.
It took two maybe 3 years to plant the seed of moving into a Retirement center - then shopping for one.
My In-Laws are 87 yrs old - same High School - been married 68 years - never apart.
The transition / actual move was overwhelming for them. I just stepped in - measured everything - layed straws out on the floor of the new place indicating the furniture arrangement & with signs taped to the wall - I packed them - hired the movers - ran the Estate Sale - sold the house.
I had too - Mother in -Law had a match collection, she hosed them & soaked them before throwing them away..!!! what ?? and ?? and ??
She couldn't concentrate on the immediate needs - she's out in the garage..
We are now at the crossroads of having to move Father in-law into another facility
for the care he needs.
I'm afraid your story holds true where one dies and soon after the other follows.
I have seen this all too often
My job is to prepare & console my husband (only child).
Can't change outcome - you just make everyone as confortable as possible.
Patsy
I'm experiencing this exact situation.
It took two maybe 3 years to plant the seed of moving into a Retirement center - then shopping for one.
My In-Laws are 87 yrs old - same High School - been married 68 years - never apart.
The transition / actual move was overwhelming for them. I just stepped in - measured everything - layed straws out on the floor of the new place indicating the furniture arrangement & with signs taped to the wall - I packed them - hired the movers - ran the Estate Sale - sold the house.
I had too - Mother in -Law had a match collection, she hosed them & soaked them before throwing them away..!!! what ?? and ?? and ??
She couldn't concentrate on the immediate needs - she's out in the garage..
We are now at the crossroads of having to move Father in-law into another facility
for the care he needs.
I'm afraid your story holds true where one dies and soon after the other follows.
I have seen this all too often
My job is to prepare & console my husband (only child).
Can't change outcome - you just make everyone as confortable as possible.
Patsy
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kayleneaussie
- Posts: 9127
- Joined: Fri Jun 01, 2007 3:11 am
when i grow too old
There is a difference between an old age home and a retirement home.
In the old age facilities over here its just rooms you share with other people and sometimes you are separated from your spouse and a common room where you can play cards etc.
In a retirement village you have your own small home which you live in with your spouse and they have gardens golf course swimmiing pool etc. You can live in the retirement home if you have minor illnesses as they have nursing staff but not if your really ill which the old age home is for.
In the old age facilities over here its just rooms you share with other people and sometimes you are separated from your spouse and a common room where you can play cards etc.
In a retirement village you have your own small home which you live in with your spouse and they have gardens golf course swimmiing pool etc. You can live in the retirement home if you have minor illnesses as they have nursing staff but not if your really ill which the old age home is for.
FOC THREAD PART 1
when i grow too old
We are just coming into this with our parents.
They don't want to be a "burden" on any of us.
We have planrted the thought about an aged care home where they can come & go as they please & as the need arises they can move to a more dependant part of the unit. eg when they can no longer look after themselves.
Dad just wants to be able to work in a garden & look after Mum .
Very big decisions for "them" to make .
They are both reasonably independant atm.
Dad is 86 & Mum is 82,this month they have been married for 65yrs:-4:-6
They don't want to be a "burden" on any of us.
We have planrted the thought about an aged care home where they can come & go as they please & as the need arises they can move to a more dependant part of the unit. eg when they can no longer look after themselves.
Dad just wants to be able to work in a garden & look after Mum .
Very big decisions for "them" to make .
They are both reasonably independant atm.
Dad is 86 & Mum is 82,this month they have been married for 65yrs:-4:-6
It's nice to be important,but more important to be nice.
when i grow too old
quite sad isnt it.........
When my Nan's Altziemers got real bad we had no alternative but to put her in a nursing home as she was constantly hurting herself, my mum and dad had to work and I was in school. I hated visiting her there, it stank of stale pee, residents did strange things in front of you, from wetting themselves on the spot to fiddling with their bits. For a young girl it was quite frightening. My nan never knew us when we visited, its so sad to see them like that.
When my Nan's Altziemers got real bad we had no alternative but to put her in a nursing home as she was constantly hurting herself, my mum and dad had to work and I was in school. I hated visiting her there, it stank of stale pee, residents did strange things in front of you, from wetting themselves on the spot to fiddling with their bits. For a young girl it was quite frightening. My nan never knew us when we visited, its so sad to see them like that.
when i grow too old
Chezzie;789227 wrote: quite sad isnt it.........
When my Nan's Altziemers got real bad we had no alternative but to put her in a nursing home as she was constantly hurting herself, my mum and dad had to work and I was in school. I hated visiting her there, it stank of stale pee, residents did strange things in front of you, from wetting themselves on the spot to fiddling with their bits. For a young girl it was quite frightening. My nan never knew us when we visited, its so sad to see them like that.
It sure is sad.
(
We take our school choir up to the oldies at least once a month.
The oldies love it when they sing for them.
It is also a good way of getting the kids to be around older people & getting used to being with them.
Some of these kids may work in a retirement village one day:-6
When my Nan's Altziemers got real bad we had no alternative but to put her in a nursing home as she was constantly hurting herself, my mum and dad had to work and I was in school. I hated visiting her there, it stank of stale pee, residents did strange things in front of you, from wetting themselves on the spot to fiddling with their bits. For a young girl it was quite frightening. My nan never knew us when we visited, its so sad to see them like that.
It sure is sad.
(We take our school choir up to the oldies at least once a month.
The oldies love it when they sing for them.
It is also a good way of getting the kids to be around older people & getting used to being with them.
Some of these kids may work in a retirement village one day:-6
It's nice to be important,but more important to be nice.
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Omni_Skittles
- Posts: 2613
- Joined: Sun Apr 02, 2006 2:10 am
when i grow too old
I joke with my mother that i'm going to throw her in the old folks home... but honestly i would never do such a thing. But more so what worries me is my birth mom. She's young and strong now... she can work... so she's okay... for now. I remember all my life as a child i would tell her i would help her work and let her live with me! See, i knew my life would be better... and it is. I feel like i kinda betrayed her... but it's not my place i guess. Ugh i can't stand those kind of people who tell there parent's that there memories are junk and worthless... :-5
Smoke signals ftw!
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Patsy Warnick
- Posts: 4567
- Joined: Fri Feb 03, 2006 12:53 am
when i grow too old
JJ
You stated the move - the actual move makes the elderly give up?
I don't feel that's the case.
I have witnessed several times where one partner dies and soon after the other follows.
So, does the other partner give up when left alone - yes
Moving parents into a facility is for their safety and our peace of mind.
Mrs. K & others
If moving them from a house to a facility is too drastic - try down sizing into a small residence, where Dad still has room to putt around and they still have some independence - without all the house up keep etc..
The Elderly gradually resort back to childish mentality - childish behavior
so take baby steps with them.
Good luck to everyone in this situation
Patsy
You stated the move - the actual move makes the elderly give up?
I don't feel that's the case.
I have witnessed several times where one partner dies and soon after the other follows.
So, does the other partner give up when left alone - yes
Moving parents into a facility is for their safety and our peace of mind.
Mrs. K & others
If moving them from a house to a facility is too drastic - try down sizing into a small residence, where Dad still has room to putt around and they still have some independence - without all the house up keep etc..
The Elderly gradually resort back to childish mentality - childish behavior
so take baby steps with them.
Good luck to everyone in this situation
Patsy
when i grow too old
I have a customer who always says, "once a man, twice a boy". So sad, but so true.
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jones jones
- Posts: 6601
- Joined: Sat Jan 26, 2008 7:30 am
when i grow too old
... i'm not suggesting or advocating that we all allow our elderly parents to move in with us ... often when they reach the stage that they are forced to give up their own home, they are in need of special health care ...
although among most of the indigenous black people in south africa, the concept of retirement homes etc is unknown ... they have very great respect for the aged and any elderly person irrespective of colour ¦ is addressed and “father or “mother ¦
in their case granny and grandpa DO move in and the extended families operate very well ... gran looks after the kids cos mom has to work to make ends meet and gramps ... well gramps just sits around in the sun telling stories to the kids about the great heroes of antiquity as well as dishing out pearls of wisdom ...
however what I am suggesting is that more time and care should perhaps be taken and that children should spend more time discussing relocation with their parents so that when any move is made it is far less painful and traumatic ¦
I believe what is not required is for the children to become the parents ...
although among most of the indigenous black people in south africa, the concept of retirement homes etc is unknown ... they have very great respect for the aged and any elderly person irrespective of colour ¦ is addressed and “father or “mother ¦
in their case granny and grandpa DO move in and the extended families operate very well ... gran looks after the kids cos mom has to work to make ends meet and gramps ... well gramps just sits around in the sun telling stories to the kids about the great heroes of antiquity as well as dishing out pearls of wisdom ...
however what I am suggesting is that more time and care should perhaps be taken and that children should spend more time discussing relocation with their parents so that when any move is made it is far less painful and traumatic ¦
I believe what is not required is for the children to become the parents ...
"…I hate how I don’t feel real enough unless people are watching." — Chuck Palahniuk, Invisible Monsters
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Accountable
- Posts: 24818
- Joined: Mon May 30, 2005 8:33 am
when i grow too old
Our culture has "evolved" out of the tradition to bring the parents/grandparents into the home -- to the children's detriment, if you ask me. The elder's wishes should come first but too often they don't.
My beloved's grandmother died at 99. She wound down slowly like an old clock. Her sight and hearing faded until her mind had nothing to focus on. It was truly sad to watch, but she had family with her every day - nearly every hour - until she died. It would have been unthinkable to allow her to go through that with only nurses, strangers, to hold her hand.
A coworker had a hostile relationship with her dad all her life, but when he was diagnosed with Alzheimer's she took him in when her siblings refused to. He lived in a cottage right next door and heaped abuse on her until he didn't recognize her anymore, then their relationship improved. She had to find a home for him when he became paranoid and ran away at every opportunity. Every day at lunch she tells us the latest funny story of her visits with him. He's pretty much stuck in his early 20's when he was in the coast guard, and loves to flirt with the ladies.
There are no easy answers.
My beloved's grandmother died at 99. She wound down slowly like an old clock. Her sight and hearing faded until her mind had nothing to focus on. It was truly sad to watch, but she had family with her every day - nearly every hour - until she died. It would have been unthinkable to allow her to go through that with only nurses, strangers, to hold her hand.
A coworker had a hostile relationship with her dad all her life, but when he was diagnosed with Alzheimer's she took him in when her siblings refused to. He lived in a cottage right next door and heaped abuse on her until he didn't recognize her anymore, then their relationship improved. She had to find a home for him when he became paranoid and ran away at every opportunity. Every day at lunch she tells us the latest funny story of her visits with him. He's pretty much stuck in his early 20's when he was in the coast guard, and loves to flirt with the ladies.
There are no easy answers.
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Patsy Warnick
- Posts: 4567
- Joined: Fri Feb 03, 2006 12:53 am
when i grow too old
Tonight a Nurse said the best phrase to my Mother in-Law
"It's time to give the care giving to someone else
It's your job to hold his hand ".
Say Good Night Gracie
Patsy
"It's time to give the care giving to someone else
It's your job to hold his hand ".
Say Good Night Gracie
Patsy