Eulogy - Ever participated ?

Patsy Warnick · Post by **Patsy Warnick** » Tue Mar 18, 2008 10:15 pm

I wrote the complete eulogy for my Father in-Law (Dale) who passed away Monday March 17, '08, at the age of 86. Mother is still alive & doing well - they were married for 66 years. CAN YOU IMAGINE ??

My best memory - the first time Dale met me, I walk in carrying my large purse -

he says - Are you moving in ? Is that a over night bag ?

No - but I could live here - little did he know what he was in for.. We'd love price shopping - deals - coupons Yeh - we're frugel.

Dale was tough to get to know - tried to have a tough outer shell

Somewhat of a Archie Bunker

If my Dad was alive today he'd be 91 yrs old - I've had plenty of practice to crack this shell. I did & I'll miss him.

I'll miss my Christmas Bonus too..

Ever participated in a eulogy ? - Public Speaking isn't easy.

Patsy

WonderWendy3 · Post by **WonderWendy3** » Tue Mar 18, 2008 10:23 pm

Awww Patsy, sorry about your loss, my grandfather is going to be 87 this may and my grandparents have been married for 65 years this month!! It is hard to imagine.

I have never given a Eulogy, and know that it would be very difficult. My Ex's sister spoke at their mothers' funeral service, which I missed due to small children at the time, was told it was wonderful. I know it was especially hard for my Sister in Law, because her mother wasn't your average loving mother, she was a selfish and evil person, and I know that sounds horrible, but it is true.

Sending hugs and love to you and yours Patsy!!:-4:-4:-4

Patsy Warnick · Post by **Patsy Warnick** » Tue Mar 18, 2008 10:36 pm

Wendy

My Mother in-law is the most selfish human I've ever met. Honest

I didn't realise this until my Father in-law started to decline.

My husband is the one & only child.. I'm in a very difficult postion here - I'm the only one with some common sense.... Mother is very spoiled & pampered individual - always been catered to.

The Funeral is scheduled around her perm and nail appt...

I'm telling ya - this could make us or break us...

Patsy

Omni_Skittles · Post by **Omni_Skittles** » Tue Mar 18, 2008 10:40 pm

I wanted to give my brothers eulogy but never had a chance. but i did for speech like a week ago. haha public speaking is the pits.

WonderWendy3 · Post by **WonderWendy3** » Tue Mar 18, 2008 11:14 pm

Patsy Warnick;808270 wrote: Wendy

My Mother in-law is the most selfish human I've ever met. Honest

I didn't realise this until my Father in-law started to decline.

My husband is the one & only child.. I'm in a very difficult postion here - I'm the only one with some common sense.... Mother is very spoiled & pampered individual - always been catered to.

The Funeral is scheduled around her perm and nail appt...

I'm telling ya - this could make us or break us...

Patsy

OH WOW!!:eek:

Good luck with that, maybe she is the reason Dad was hard-shelled?? I will keep you in my prayers! You have a tough job being the Mom to grown people!

My grandmother was like that...she favored only the men folk in the family....us girls were chopped liver, and when she passed, my father was hurt that I didn't go to her funeral.....but I just didn't see the sense in it, and couldn't afford it at the time....I wasn't close to her....back when I was a young Momma.....she cared more about her chihuahua than my newborn son, when I drove 3 hours in the heat, no A/C to show him off...she could care less, and that cut deep....I know...should let it go...and for the most part I have, just venting...

Back to Patsy's life here!!....keep us posted on how things are going...I'm thinking about you!!:-4:-4

pantsonfire321@aol.com · Tue Mar 18, 2008 11:14 pm

Patsy Warnick;808265 wrote: I wrote the complete eulogy for my Father in-Law (Dale) who passed away Monday March 17, '08, at the age of 86. Mother is still alive & doing well - they were married for 66 years. CAN YOU IMAGINE ??

Wow thats pretty amazing, they were very lucky to be so happy

My best memory - the first time Dale met me, I walk in carrying my large purse -

he says - Are you moving in ? Is that a over night bag ?

No - but I could live here - little did he know what he was in for.. We'd love price shopping - deals - coupons Yeh - we're frugel.

Dale was tough to get to know - tried to have a tough outer shell

Somewhat of a Archie Bunker

If my Dad was alive today he'd be 91 yrs old - I've had plenty of practice to crack this shell. I did & I'll miss him.

I'll miss my Christmas Bonus too..

Ever participated in a eulogy ? - Public Speaking isn't easy.Patsy

I agree with you about public speaking, i hate it

Good luck Patsy take care .:-6

abbey · Post by **abbey** » Wed Mar 19, 2008 12:29 am

Patsy, I'm so sorry for your loss. :-4

Just so long as you speak from the heart you'll be fine. x

Clodhopper · Post by **Clodhopper** » Wed Mar 19, 2008 5:15 am

As they say, you can choose your friends, but you can't choose your relatives...

Both my parents are dead, and the loss of my mother means my life has improved immensely, but I still wept for them - or perhaps for the relationship I never had with them.

Done a fair bit of public speaking and have three bits of advice that I found really help:

1) Look at your audience from time to time. It's disconcerting listening to someone when you can only see the top of their head and eye contact retains attention.

2) Speak slower than you think you need to, with pauses. When nervous there is a tendency to gabble.

3) The most important one: Remember to BREATHE!

along-for-the-ride · Post by **along-for-the-ride** » Wed Mar 19, 2008 2:19 pm

[

Done a fair bit of public speaking and have three bits of advice that I found really help:

1) Look at your audience from time to time. It's disconcerting listening to someone when you can only see the top of their head and eye contact retains attention.

2) Speak slower than you think you need to, with pauses. When nervous there is a tendency to gabble.

3) The most important one: Remember to BREATHE!

Good advice! I would also give a short eulogy.

qsducks · Post by **qsducks** » Wed Mar 19, 2008 2:22 pm

No and I used to freeze when giving a speech. My sister is much better at it, so I'll keep it at that.

chonsigirl · Post by **chonsigirl** » Wed Mar 19, 2008 2:58 pm

How gracious of you to do the eulogy, I bet it was a fitting tribute.

[love]light · Post by **[love]light** » Wed Mar 19, 2008 5:07 pm

When my grandmother died last week, the family got together at the dinner table and reflected on her life. I think the best way to honor our passed loved ones is to talk about & acknowledge the contributions that they made in the lives they touched.

Sit around and talk about your father-in-law's long life, take notes, and you will find that the eulogy will form itself.

I'm so sorry about your loss, but I'm happy for you that you had someone so special to touch your heart.

You'll be great.

qsducks · Post by **qsducks** » Wed Mar 19, 2008 5:30 pm

Actually, my sister did my grandmother's eulogy and it was really good. She made everyone laugh in the church and making them remember what a fun woman my grandmother was. It was so refreshing to hear a real eulogy instead of something quaint like.

Patsy Warnick · Post by **Patsy Warnick** » Wed Mar 19, 2008 7:49 pm

Well, since my house is under construction - we've covered the walls with Dale's Life - its a surprise to the Mother & Family & all.

It's alot of exhausting stress.

Eulogy will be short & Dale was a good Husband (wife spoiled/catered) good Father - Brother & Son, rough introvert - we got along, he was the good half of the In-Laws.

Public Speaking is always nerve racking

Clodhopper - Thank you & our parent relationship is similar unfortunately.

Thanks to All

Patsy

Patsy Warnick · Post by **Patsy Warnick** » Wed Mar 19, 2008 8:05 pm

Jab

Thank You - I will

Wish Me Luck

Patsy

RedGlitter · Post by **RedGlitter** » Wed Mar 19, 2008 9:07 pm

Patsy, I wrote and delivered my mother's eulogy.

I could have done better in parts and far worse in others but after a while I realized I did the best I possibly could have at the time. You will do your best too, I know it.

It seems like a looming thing because how can you sum up all a person was to everyone during their life on earth? You can't. But if you let your heart do the talking, you will make Dale shine in the eyes of others. I wish you luck and I am very sorry to know this time has come.

Red

moonpie · Post by **moonpie** » Wed Mar 19, 2008 9:08 pm

Patsy, sorry for your loss. Eulogy's are hard to do, because of emotion and basically standing there talking to a bunch of strangers, but I am sure you will do good. Your husband will be very proud of you for doing this. BTW, I liked my father in law better the the MIL. He was so funny, and he had this other name for me, cause I reminded him of some gal he dated once. Good luck, and know that we are with you here.

Patsy Warnick · Post by **Patsy Warnick** » Wed Mar 19, 2008 10:27 pm

Moonpie

Dale liked my wit - my frugle - always a joke from him.

I will miss him.

My Mother In-Law just spent $3000.00 to get wrinkles removed..?? @ 87 go figure

Red

Good to hear from you - its been hectic - & my Roof/Ceiling work isn't finished..

But my Patio is beautiful. and most will be outside at 84 degrees....

I'll be fine - everythings so exhausting

Patsy

Patsy Warnick · Post by **Patsy Warnick** » Wed Mar 19, 2008 10:33 pm

I have a question

Is a Funeral for the deceased ??

Is a Funeral for the surviving Spouse & Family ??

Patsy

WonderWendy3 · Post by **WonderWendy3** » Wed Mar 19, 2008 11:50 pm

Patsy Warnick;809501 wrote: I have a question

Is a Funeral for the deceased ??

Is a Funeral for the surviving Spouse & Family ??

Patsy

Good Question!

A friend and I were just discussing this the other day, that it seems that people don't tell you how much they care until its too late. It seems that we appreciate people more when they are not around, which I know isn't always the case.

I believe that the funeral is the service to pay your last respects to the deceased, but the words spoken are in memory of the loved one for the living....to remember and rejoice in the impact they (the deceased) had on your life.

I am sure you are exhausted!!....take care Patsy!

Patsy Warnick · Post by **Patsy Warnick** » Thu Mar 20, 2008 12:23 am

WW

Yes - I'm beyond tired - its like someone beat you up.

Half the battle over all this - my husband & Mother were is such denile..

I believe a Funeral is for the deceased - show respect to the deceased & then the Family.

My Husband & I were talking - his statement was - this is for my Mom - this is her time & other's had better show her respect.... ???

I didn't want to start anything - I've been biting /grinding & hesitating & &

I just let him rattle without comment

Been there - done that

My husband has never really had to experience a death

Now he's telling me how tired he is - & on & on - no comment

Both of my parents have died - my Husband died - my Nephew died

I just listen - I'm his sounding board at this point

He brought up a interesting question

Maybe I'm just now realizing he's a Mommy's Boy @ 57 WOW:wah:

Patsy

WonderWendy3 · Post by **WonderWendy3** » Thu Mar 20, 2008 1:34 am

Patsy Warnick;809519 wrote: WW

Yes - I'm beyond tired - its like someone beat you up.

Half the battle over all this - my husband & Mother were is such denile..

I believe a Funeral is for the deceased - show respect to the deceased & then the Family.

My Husband & I were talking - his statement was - this is for my Mom - this is her time & other's had better show her respect.... ???

I didn't want to start anything - I've been biting /grinding & hesitating & &

I just let him rattle without comment

Been there - done that

My husband has never really had to experience a death

Now he's telling me how tired he is - & on & on - no comment

Both of my parents have died - my Husband died - my Nephew died

I just listen - I'm his sounding board at this point

He brought up a interesting question

Maybe I'm just now realizing he's a Mommy's Boy @ 57 WOW:wah:

Patsy

Wow!! Momma sounds like she is the center of attention and there is no way around that.

You are going through a real tough time and I know it is hard, but you are doing what you are for the love for your FIL....and it will be worth it once it is all over.

I guess once a Momma's boy...always a Momma's boy!!!

:wah:

moonpie · Post by **moonpie** » Thu Mar 20, 2008 8:54 am

Patsy, your MIL sounds like a piece of work for sure. Try and cut some slack for hubby, if he has not had any real direct contact with death in the family before, then maybe this is probably overwhelming for him.

I know you are worn out by all of this, I am sure that it will all behind you soon. Do the best you can, then at least you won't have any feelings of guilt of not doing what you could have done. Take care.

Patsy Warnick · Post by **Patsy Warnick** » Fri Mar 21, 2008 9:51 pm

Moonpie

As far as cutting my husband some slack - I've been dealing with this issue since May '05.

I am afraid since my FIL died - my needy MIL will now become more needy...

I'll bite my tongue & be nice for 2 weeks - within 2 weeks my life had better be back to my normal termoil

Eulogy was great - had some chuckles at times - went well.

Thanks everyone

Patsy

WonderWendy3 · Post by **WonderWendy3** » Fri Mar 21, 2008 10:01 pm

Patsy Warnick;812377 wrote: Moonpie

As far as cutting my husband some slack - I've been dealing with this issue since May '05.

I am afraid since my FIL died - my needy MIL will now become more needy...

I'll bite my tongue & be nice for 2 weeks - within 2 weeks my life had better be back to my normal termoil

Eulogy was great - had some chuckles at times - went well.

Thanks everyone

Patsy

normal turmoil??? You sound like me!

Glad it went well, I've been thinking of you!!:-4:-4

Clodhopper · Post by **Clodhopper** » Sat Mar 22, 2008 3:28 am

Um, Patsy, I don't know if I'm overreacting, or if it's a difference in language use betwen Brits and Americans, but I'm getting a very baaad feeling about your relationship with hubby.

Patsy Warnick · Post by **Patsy Warnick** » Sun Mar 23, 2008 10:35 am

Clodhopper

I have a great Husband & our relationship is being tested again.

My difference of opinion doesn't make me a bad person or my husband a bad person.

My Mother in-law is once again competing with me - We've had several discussions & my husband doesn't see it & probably won't - I'm always a step ahead of her (MIL) & have been since May '05.

Now that my FIL died - I don't want husband to fill FIL shoes.

I'll give this situation 2 weeks of Patsy being nice to a PHONY WOMAN & Husband with blinders - before we have another chat..!!

My husband adores me & wouldn't want anything to upset me & never want me out of his life.

MIL - pulls on those puppet strings - I allow only so much to disrupt my life..

Patsy

WonderWendy3 · Post by **WonderWendy3** » Sun Mar 23, 2008 12:17 pm

Hey Patsy, I just watched the movie "Monster-in-Law" with J. Lopez and Jane Fonda....I couldn't help but think of you!:-6 It was a cute movie....but I have had a selfish mother-in-law before and oh, it ain't fun at all!

moonpie · Post by **moonpie** » Sun Mar 23, 2008 1:30 pm

It is terrible that MIL's can't give their son wholly to the woman they marry. It is very childish and stuipid of them. They only end up looking dumb. As for the hubbys that tolerate that sort of behaviour from their moms acting up towards their wife, I find or would find that hard to tolerate. The husband should put their mother''s straight from the get-go instead of letting it turn into a intolerable situation.

Patsy Warnick · Post by **Patsy Warnick** » Sun Mar 23, 2008 4:17 pm

I guess I should start a thread MOTHER IN - LAWS from Hell..

What do you think..? Seems to be alot of them(MIL) out there.!!!!!!

Patsy