Help I need a FRIEND!

lady cop · Post by **lady cop** » Tue Mar 01, 2005 8:46 pm

hello and welcome to FG...what happened? and are you blaming yourself?

lady cop · Post by **lady cop** » Tue Mar 01, 2005 9:00 pm

ok...was it someone you knew that was killed? were you cited? what about the 18-wheeler, did he stop? many people fail to yield, and if you were blinded how is it your fault? not that i say don't take personal responsibility, but you are a young inexperienced driver. there is a reason these things are called accidents. if you were not drinking and driving, and made an honest mistake, you have to forgive yourself....and it may require help. do you have a supportive family?

BabyRider · Post by **BabyRider** » Tue Mar 01, 2005 9:09 pm

Hi Texas...You picked a great spot to come vent. Some more details? Welcome to FG, by the way. :yh_peace

lady cop · Post by **lady cop** » Tue Mar 01, 2005 10:00 pm

this is more than a forum can fix, we can only offer moral support...you need a lawyer before anything else. do you have one? were you jailed and are you out on a bond? if your family can't afford a lawyer you must call the public defender's office and DON"T TALK TO ANYONE ELSE ABOUT THE DETAILS ANYMORE! not even your friends! please listen to what i am telling you. if you have a lawyer, he/she has to get an accident reconstructionist to prove what happened. this is a MUST. of course you are frightened, but you have to steel yourself for the legal aspects of this and stay strong for your child...don't panic, you are in panic mode and need to get to a lawyer who can reassure you. let your family help. it's going to be OK. :yh_hugs

weeder · Post by **weeder** » Tue Mar 01, 2005 10:22 pm

young-sleepless-inTx wrote: the cops only talked to the driver of the other car they never even asked me any questions im sceared to death. they never talked to my passengers. this is hard im shaking all over. its hard to talk about this. ok calming down..I am not familiar with legal ramifications. So I cannott assure you that everything will be alright . I would trust that if the accident wasnt your fault, the details will be examined. and the correct determination will be made. I can try to talk to you about the way you are feeling. This may very well be the most difficult and painful incident you will have to deal with in your life. There is no altering the outcome to make it easier to live with. There are unfortunately horrible things that occur in the course of our lives that we can only face head on. They are painful. but no one to escape the pain but to live through it. You will relive the chain of events over and over again. Hard as it is for you to believe, going there in your mind will get easier. become familiar and less difficult to reexamine. You will slowly begin to forgive yourself,to do so completely and immediately would not be normal. There is a definate grieving process to go through. You will be forever changed, and the sadness will go with you the rest of your life. It will be an experience that colors who you are and who you become. You may even refer to this most difficult time in the future.. when you are exploring choices or giving counsel to someone else. The incident will have tremendous meaning for you and you will always refer to it as a pivitol time in your life. Try to be kind to yourself. Surround yourself with people who love you and who will listen to you. Rest if you can when the going gets particuarly tough.

Time truly does heal all wounds. Even an incident of this magnitude. Look up on the computer Helen Kubler Ross ... The stages of grief. It is a process of recovery that you must live through. Recognizing the stages will help you. I feel for you. God be with you, I wish you strength and send energy your way..

robinseggs · Post by **robinseggs** » Wed Mar 02, 2005 7:56 am

Wow....Weeder said it just right. Sleepless in TX, I feel for you.....Weeder had some super human advice and Ladycop gave you the super legal advice! Listen to them both! I agree with Weeder about this changing your life forever.....and it doesn't have to be a black cloud over your head. Sounds to me like you are a productive citizen in society--you are a good student with good grade pt avg., despite being a sleepless mommy to an innocent little baby. That baby needs her mommy. Sounds like you have witnesses to tell your story. So like Ladycop said, get a lawyer! All of your positive attributes will come shining through in the end!!! Your family/friends will rally for you. And I am not sure I would have listened to this at 18, but PRAY...God is listening....look at your daughter and you will know He exists. I am 35 now and a mother to 3 young children. I realize now that mistakes/accidents/bad decisions you might make at 18 do not have to shape your life forever. Although every lawyer would obviously advise against this, so wait until a final verdict, I do believe that contacting the family of the deceased victim and expressing your sincere remorse/sorrow could be pivotal in your healing. Good luck to you and keep us posted! Someone in St. Louis really cares about you and what happens!

lady cop · Post by **lady cop** » Wed Mar 02, 2005 8:13 am

robinseggs wrote: Although every lawyer would obviously advise against this, so wait until a final verdict, I do believe that contacting the family of the deceased victim and expressing your sincere remorse/sorrow could be pivotal in your healing. i would respectfully suggest this is NOT a good idea. it could be construed as an admission. at this point she needs to protect herself from legal liability, both criminal and civil. even after a verdict in criminal court, the civil action which is sure to follow could go on for years.

Beth · Post by **Beth** » Wed Mar 02, 2005 11:08 am

I agree with this 100%. Is there some sort of religious ritual you can do to help with healing? A prayer, perhaps? Light a candle for the person you hit?

I'm sorry.

lady cop · Post by **lady cop** » Wed Mar 02, 2005 4:14 pm

it's not unusual for the civil suit to have been filed already (wrongful death i am guessing?) in fact it may be an attempt to get your insurance company ( you were insured?) to offer a settlement. but it won't happen quickly, you'll probably have to be deposed at some point. but you have a lawyer, so be guided entirely by him/her and not what you hear anywhere else, including here. i do know a number of people who have been charged/convicted of vehicular homicide, i know them through my work, but each one was a DUI and resulted in stiff prison time. that is not your situation. you may well lose your license for some time. assuming you have had no priors, you could be found guilty of a lesser charge and get probation. your lawyer should be talking to the DA about a plea deal. in fact you need to ask if he/she is doing that.

robinseggs · Post by **robinseggs** » Tue Mar 15, 2005 9:24 pm

Just wanted to re-iterate that I agree with everybody about not contacting the family at this time. As I originally stated, any lawyer would advise against, and I agree, however I just meant that after the entire ordeal is over, it may be the most wonderful thing in the world to be able to say "I'm sorry" (For both parties).....I know...just call me a dreamer...but I once saw a Dateline with a similar situation as this and the whole story was about how the driver contacted the victim's family after all was said and done and that was the single most thing that healed all involved. Charges were even dropped and all was forgiven. I am sure the lawyers were less than thrilled....guess I just wish the world wasn't so cold to one another. But I guess in a legal world I would be eaten alive. I know, somebody shut me up.

robinseggs · Post by **robinseggs** » Tue Mar 15, 2005 9:35 pm

young-sleepless-inTx wrote: If any one knows anyone who has been through something even close to this would you please have them write I want to know how long it took them to get back behind the wheel, if they ever got back behind the wheel. I have to go Ill check back tommarrow. Love you guys and your support. THANKS A BUNDLE!!!

By the way, you are not alone. This HAS happened before. A family friend of mine when in high school lost control of the van he was driving/ran off the road killing someone in his own van. He was part of a group of students who wanted to be police officers someday and they were all driving in a large passenger van to an event. It was all chaperoned with officers in the van when it happened... was very sad and he had a lot of guilt for years. He is in his 30's now....a really great guy and did go on to become a police officer. Your life is not over and you can not let this event define who you are! Sounds to me like you are a very genuine, caring person with a lot to look forward to in life! Keep your chin up and do what the lawyers tell you.

minks · Post by **minks** » Wed Mar 16, 2005 8:26 am

robinseggs wrote: By the way, you are not alone. This HAS happened before. A family friend of mine when in high school lost control of the van he was driving/ran off the road killing someone in his own van. He was part of a group of students who wanted to be police officers someday and they were all driving in a large passenger van to an event. It was all chaperoned with officers in the van when it happened... was very sad and he had a lot of guilt for years. He is in his 30's now....a really great guy and did go on to become a police officer. Your life is not over and you can not let this event define who you are! Sounds to me like you are a very genuine, caring person with a lot to look forward to in life! Keep your chin up and do what the lawyers tell you.

Oh Robinsegg that is so nice of you to be supportive. Blessings.