I Love You....but I'm Not in Love With You???

Hope6 · Post by **Hope6** » Wed Sep 03, 2008 6:36 am

I heard that expression used the other day and frankly it confused me!

how do you love someone without being in love with them? whats the difference?

anyway have any of you heard that expression before and if so could you explain it to me please?

Odie · Post by **Odie** » Wed Sep 03, 2008 6:42 am

Hope6;971330 wrote: I heard that expression used the other day and frankly it confused me!

how do you love someone without being in love with them? whats the difference?

anyway have any of you heard that expression before and if so could you explain it to me please?

HI! Welcome back!

It is hard to explain, but its loving someone, but not being in love with them, this happens to alot of couples after years of marriage, you fall out of love with them, meaning there is not that excitement anymore, sex becomes so-so, you really get used to that person, but you still love them.

CARLA · Post by **CARLA** » Wed Sep 03, 2008 6:52 am

Crazy statment itsn't it Hope6 and Odie explained it best. The spark that was there isn't anymore. The love is still there but not like it use to be.

Odie · Post by **Odie** » Wed Sep 03, 2008 6:53 am

CARLA;971343 wrote: Crazy statment itsn't it Hope6 and Odie explained it best. The spark that was there isn't anymore. The love is still there but not like it use to be.

well said Carla!

Hope6 · Post by **Hope6** » Wed Sep 03, 2008 6:57 am

It is a crazy statement!

I think i see what y'all are talking about!

but this was said to a guy as an excuse as to why his wife was leaving him, so that doesn't sound like she loved him any more at all, thats part of whats so confusing to me!

Odie · Post by **Odie** » Wed Sep 03, 2008 6:59 am

Hope6;971353 wrote: It is a crazy statement!

I think i see what y'all are talking about!

but this was said to a guy as an excuse as to why his wife was leaving him, so that doesn't sound like she loved him any more at all, thats part of whats so confusing to me!

It is because she is no longer in love with him...........but she will always deeply care!

not necessarily an excuse hun.

when the sparks and romance are gone.......and your not fighting or disagreeing, you just sometimes need those sparks back.

but you can always try tons of things to reunite them!

Hope6 · Post by **Hope6** » Wed Sep 03, 2008 7:06 am

Idgie;971360 wrote: Look at it like you post here Hope....you tell everybody you love them, but are you really in love with each and every one of us?

I have developed a great affection for you guys and i do say i love you a lot, but i guess i see what you mean, that doesn't mean the same as being "in love"

flopstock · Post by **flopstock** » Wed Sep 03, 2008 7:12 am

Hope6;971353 wrote: It is a crazy statement!

I think i see what y'all are talking about!

but this was said to a guy as an excuse as to why his wife was leaving him, so that doesn't sound like she loved him any more at all, thats part of whats so confusing to me!

They have moved into a brother/sister/parent/child's position in your heart.

I love an old lover of mine.. I care deeply about him and his family. I worry about how they are doing just like it was my own family. But I have no desire to climb in his lap and have him take care of me. I have no desire to run home to him at night after a hard day at work and play in the kitchen with him before settling down to watch the news together...I don't need him there when I lay my head down at night to sleep...I don't want him to worry that I may, at any moment, just start chasing his ass around the back yard and god help him when i catch him..:sneaky:

sunny104 · Post by **sunny104** » Wed Sep 03, 2008 7:27 am

yeah, what floppy said.

Hope6 · Post by **Hope6** » Wed Sep 03, 2008 8:01 am

flopstock;971374 wrote: They have moved into a brother/sister/parent/child's position in your heart.

I love an old lover of mine.. I care deeply about him and his family. I worry about how they are doing just like it was my own family. But I have no desire to climb in his lap and have him take care of me. I have no desire to run home to him at night after a hard day at work and play in the kitchen with him before settling down to watch the news together...I don't need him there when I lay my head down at night to sleep...I don't want him to worry that I may, at any moment, just start chasing his ass around the back yard and god help him when i catch him..:sneaky:

thank you, you explained that very well, i understand what you're saying!

along-for-the-ride · Post by **along-for-the-ride** » Wed Sep 03, 2008 2:09 pm

I guess some people prefer the excitement of being in love......the sexual tension. I"ve been there, ofcourse. This time in my life, I prefer the love....the soft place to fall if and when I have to fall, the smile, the laughter, the small talk, the cuddling. I count my blessings every day that I do indeed have that love.

PS. Referring to the term, "sexual tension," I can do without the "tension" part.

Attached files

flopstock · Post by **flopstock** » Wed Sep 03, 2008 2:11 pm

along-for-the-ride;971741 wrote: I guess some people prefer the excitement of being in love......the sexual tension. I"ve been there, ofcourse. This time in my life, I prefer the love....the soft place to fall if and when I have to fall, the smile, the laughter, the small talk, the cuddling. I count my blessings every day that I do indeed have that love.

PS. Referring to the term, "sexual tension," I can do without the "tension" part.

ah... but when that tension breaks...ohhhhh baby!:D

mrsK · Post by **mrsK** » Wed Sep 03, 2008 2:16 pm

along-for-the-ride;971741 wrote: I guess some people prefer the excitement of being in love......the sexual tension. I"ve been there, ofcourse. This time in my life, I prefer the love....the soft place to fall if and when I have to fall, the smile, the laughter, the small talk, the cuddling. I count my blessings every day that I do indeed have that love.

PS. Referring to the term, "sexual tension," I can do without the "tension" part.

Sounds about right to me,well said.:-6

mrsK · Post by **mrsK** » Wed Sep 03, 2008 2:17 pm

flopstock;971743 wrote: ah... but when that tension breaks...ohhhhh baby!:D

Tension is good also;):wah:

G-man · Post by **G-man** » Wed Sep 03, 2008 2:40 pm

I generally love everyone, but... I'm only in love with one person. Two very different things.

shelbell · Post by **shelbell** » Wed Sep 03, 2008 2:54 pm

flopstock;971374 wrote: They have moved into a brother/sister/parent/child's position in your heart.

You can say that again!

guppy · Post by **guppy** » Wed Sep 03, 2008 4:26 pm

[quote=flopstock;971374]They have moved into a brother/sister/parent/child's position in your heart.

I love an old lover of mine.. I care deeply about him and his family. I worry about how they are doing just like it was my own family. But I have no desire to climb in his lap and have him take care of me. I have no desire to run home to him at night after a hard day at work and play in the kitchen with him before settling down to watch the news together...I don't need him there when I lay my head down at night to sleep...I don't want him to worry that I may, at any moment, just start chasing his ass around the back yard and god help him when i catch him..:sneaky:[/quote

yea, what flops said...now i am picturing a rabbit chasing another rabbit around the backyard...:p

flopstock · Post by **flopstock** » Wed Sep 03, 2008 4:59 pm

If one more of you says, yeah that's it flops, I may throw up!

I'd like to remind each and every one of you that I am officially a lonely bitter old woman...

What the hell do I know???

Now excuse me while I go find new batteries for my vibrator!:rolleyes:

guppy · Post by **guppy** » Wed Sep 03, 2008 5:22 pm

flopstock;971866 wrote: If one more of you says, yeah that's it flops, I may throw up!

I'd like to remind each and every one of you that I am officially a lonely bitter old woman...

What the hell do I know???

Now excuse me while I go find new batteries for my vibrator!:rolleyes:

i just absolutely cannot pass this up...

yea, what flops said.:sneaky:

Hope6 · Post by **Hope6** » Wed Sep 03, 2008 8:44 pm

fuzzy butt;971841 wrote: Yep, I sorted this one out when i thought that my relationship was falling apart many years ago because I didn't understand it myself. I thought I'd fallen out of love with my husband.because for a short while I didn't feel atracted to him physically mentally or emotionally ...........................but if anyone had of hurt him in any way i would have jumped volcanoes to protect him. and that's the difference between being in love .................an infatuation................to loving someone ..............a decision to honor and protect another person . Like we would do with a sibling or other family member who has meaning in our lives. We love a husband or a long time partner because they become part of our personal history , they become part of us. If we didnt' love them then essentially we stop loving a part of us . (in some circumstances like severe abuse , this can be a good thing to stop loving someone. But you may also feel a deep infatuation still with that person because the psychological and emotional impact could be quite high and therefore so are the feelings.)

So don't worry if you fall "out of love" as opposed to "not loving" with a spouse because the feeling comes and goes as the wind.

We are very much in love with our children when they are young this is a neccesary instinct that moves us to care for them but as they become adults we readjust to Loving them. Until of course they are in trouble or ill and we revert back to the In love instinct.

Infatuation comes and goes multiple times in our lifetimes. It is basically a common motivator to help us - connect to a breeding partner, care about the survival of our babies, and be productive during our lifetimes. It also helps us get over grief. It's an extremely useful emotional instinct that helps us feel alive and human.

this is a wonderful post and a great way of explaining it, thank you!

Chezzie · Post by **Chezzie** » Thu Sep 04, 2008 3:20 am

G-man;971772 wrote: I generally love everyone, but... I'm only in love with one person. Two very different things.

flopstock;971866 wrote: If one more of you says, yeah that's it flops, I may throw up!

I'd like to remind each and every one of you that I am officially a lonely bitter old woman...

What the hell do I know???

Now excuse me while I go find new batteries for my vibrator!:rolleyes:

rampant no doubt:rolleyes: