Pilots and their mechanics

[Jives]

After every flight, pilots fill out a form called a gripe sheet, which conveys to the mechanics problems encountered with the aircraft during the flight that need repair or correction. The mechanics read and correct the problem, and then respond in writing on the lower half of the form what remedial action was taken, and the pilot reviews the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems as submitted by Qantas pilots and the solution recorded by maintenance

engineers.

By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident. (in case you have never heard of Qantas, it's an Australian commercial airline)



(P = The problem logged by the pilot.)

(S = The solution and action taken by the engineers.)



P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.

S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.

S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.

S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.

S: Live bugs on backorder.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.

S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.

S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.

S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.

S: That's what a friction lock does.

P: IFF inoperative.

S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield

S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.

S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.

S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.

S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.

S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.

S: Took hammer away from midget.

[Jives]

Occassionally airline attendants make their in-flight safety lectures a bit more entertaining. Here are some examples:

1. As the plane was coming to a stop at Washington National, a lone voice came over the speaker: "Whoa, big fellah! Whoa!"

2. After a particularly rough landing at memphis: "Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because after a landing like that one, sure as Hell, everything has shifted!"

3. 'Welcome aboard flight 746 to Phoenix. To operate your seat belt insert the metal tab into the buckle and pull it tight. It works just like every other seat belt, and if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised."

4. "In the event of sudden loss of cabin pressure, oxygen masks will descend form the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you are traveling with a small child, secure your msk before securing theirs. If you are traveling with two small children, decide which one you love more now."

5. "Weather at our destination is a cool 50 degrees with broken clouds, but we promise to have them fixed by the time we get there. thanks you and remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than SouthWest Airlines!"

6. "Your seat cushions can be used as a flotation device, and in event of a water landing, please take them with our compliments."

7. "there may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only four ways ot of this aircraft, so listen up..."

8. We do feature a smoking section on this plane, if you must smoke, please contact a crew member and we will escort you to the wing of the plane."

9. "Smoking in the lavatories is prohibited. Anyone caught smoking on the airplane will be asked to leave the plane immediately."

10. "Folks, we have reached cruising altitude now. Please feel free to move about the plane, but please stay inside the plane as people on the wings affects the flight pattern."

11. "Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride.

12. more to come....

[ice maiden]

lol i love it give me more please :wah: