As i have gotten older..I am forty six now..i have gotten where i have very little tolerance for drama..and when i say a little..its probably at zero..lol..
I got married in May to a wonderful man. He is good to me..For the most part he is the best thing to ever happen to me. What i never saw coming was his grown kids. While i dated my husband to be i hardly ever saw them so i never got to know them that well. Boy, after we got married did i learn more than i wanted. Five of the six are women, so it is drama drama drama always..never ending..He is immune to it..it makes me want to throw up. :-5 We also seem to have some competition going on. The whole time i dated my husband..they were never around..but since we got married..it is constant request for daddy's sole undivided attention. any advice how to deal with it. There are times it gets so bad that i get desperate and want him to leave just to stop some of the chaos..
Less Tolerance
Less Tolerance
Sounds like they are jealous of you Guppy, and perhaps they think he will not pay them the attention that he used to do, because he has a new wife to occupy his attention. Not sure how to overcome that, to be honest. It is difficult to suggest things, as I haven't the faintest what any of them are interested in, but if there is something that you are all interested in, perhaps all get together to enjoy it together and maybe come to accept each other a bit better.
Hopefully there may be somebody who has actually experienced something similar to you, and may have ideas. Particularly if they were able to solve their problem.
Hopefully there may be somebody who has actually experienced something similar to you, and may have ideas. Particularly if they were able to solve their problem.
I'm a Saga-lout, growing old disgracefully
Less Tolerance
Just arrange to go see your friends every Tuesday and they can have Dad all to themselves that night. Jeez they are grown up, 1 night a week should be fine and it will do you good to have a girlie night with your mates. Win / Win situation :-6
Less Tolerance
Is he divorced or had something else happen to his former wife?
“Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities,
Voltaire
I have only one thing to do and that's
Be the wave that I am and then
Sink back into the ocean
Fiona Apple
Voltaire
I have only one thing to do and that's
Be the wave that I am and then
Sink back into the ocean
Fiona Apple
Less Tolerance
They will always be their daddy's little girls, best thing you can do is try to be their friend.
Take an interest in what is going on in their lives but don't offer advice unless asked for it - taking care to give measured and uncontraversial advice.
Take what they say and do with a pinch of salt - rarely is anything personal.
Do not criticise them to him or him to them - I guarantee it'll backfire.
Ensure that if any money is going their way is his alone, not shared money unless it is for birthday or Christmas gifts - it breeds resentment if you bail them out when you don't feel you should.
Above all remember that they are grown up but revert back to childhood when they want their father's attention!
(Speaking as step-mother to two girls for the last 17 years - but from childhood, through teens to adulthood - bloody hard work!)
Take an interest in what is going on in their lives but don't offer advice unless asked for it - taking care to give measured and uncontraversial advice.
Take what they say and do with a pinch of salt - rarely is anything personal.
Do not criticise them to him or him to them - I guarantee it'll backfire.
Ensure that if any money is going their way is his alone, not shared money unless it is for birthday or Christmas gifts - it breeds resentment if you bail them out when you don't feel you should.
Above all remember that they are grown up but revert back to childhood when they want their father's attention!
(Speaking as step-mother to two girls for the last 17 years - but from childhood, through teens to adulthood - bloody hard work!)
Originally Posted by spot
She is one fit bitch innit, that Immy
Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time
She is one fit bitch innit, that Immy
Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time
Less Tolerance
Imladris;1286697 wrote: They will always be their daddy's little girls, best thing you can do is try to be their friend.
Take an interest in what is going on in their lives but don't offer advice unless asked for it - taking care to give measured and uncontraversial advice.
Take what they say and do with a pinch of salt - rarely is anything personal.
Do not criticise them to him or him to them - I guarantee it'll backfire.
Ensure that if any money is going their way is his alone, not shared money unless it is for birthday or Christmas gifts - it breeds resentment if you bail them out when you don't feel you should.
Above all remember that they are grown up but revert back to childhood when they want their father's attention!
(Speaking as step-mother to two girls for the last 17 years - but from childhood, through teens to adulthood - bloody hard work!)
thank you very much for your advice..turns out we have talked this afternoon about this ...i work weekends..so he is free to see his girls then. and his grandkids..the weekdays are mine. He was divorced along time and they are not used ot having to share dad. lol
Take an interest in what is going on in their lives but don't offer advice unless asked for it - taking care to give measured and uncontraversial advice.
Take what they say and do with a pinch of salt - rarely is anything personal.
Do not criticise them to him or him to them - I guarantee it'll backfire.
Ensure that if any money is going their way is his alone, not shared money unless it is for birthday or Christmas gifts - it breeds resentment if you bail them out when you don't feel you should.
Above all remember that they are grown up but revert back to childhood when they want their father's attention!
(Speaking as step-mother to two girls for the last 17 years - but from childhood, through teens to adulthood - bloody hard work!)
thank you very much for your advice..turns out we have talked this afternoon about this ...i work weekends..so he is free to see his girls then. and his grandkids..the weekdays are mine. He was divorced along time and they are not used ot having to share dad. lol
Less Tolerance
buttercup;1286686 wrote: Just arrange to go see your friends every Tuesday and they can have Dad all to themselves that night. Jeez they are grown up, 1 night a week should be fine and it will do you good to have a girlie night with your mates. Win / Win situation :-6
well there are five of them so they get saturday and sunday..when ever it convenient for all of them..they get one on one daddy time without step mom...
well there are five of them so they get saturday and sunday..when ever it convenient for all of them..they get one on one daddy time without step mom...
Less Tolerance
guppy;1286739 wrote: well there are five of them so they get saturday and sunday..when ever it convenient for all of them..they get one on one daddy time without step mom...
You're still a "bride" guppy, after you wait a little while, you may just find that you enjoy having some "me" time. And actually welcome the step daughters intervention!
In the mean time, as was mentioned, you'll make it easier on yourself by trying to find some common ground between all of you. Share, and share alike! Good luck, & best wishes!
You're still a "bride" guppy, after you wait a little while, you may just find that you enjoy having some "me" time. And actually welcome the step daughters intervention!
In the mean time, as was mentioned, you'll make it easier on yourself by trying to find some common ground between all of you. Share, and share alike! Good luck, & best wishes!
Cars
Less Tolerance
guppy;1286737 wrote: thank you very much for your advice..turns out we have talked this afternoon about this ...i work weekends..so he is free to see his girls then. and his grandkids..the weekdays are mine. He was divorced along time and they are not used ot having to share dad. lol
talking things out and having full communication is the key in any marriage.
your still a bride, and I do understand why you want to be with him.:-6
talking things out and having full communication is the key in any marriage.
your still a bride, and I do understand why you want to be with him.:-6
Life is just to short for drama.
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Oscar Namechange
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Less Tolerance
Odie;1286761 wrote: talking things out and having full communication is the key in any marriage.
Really ?
Really ?
At the going down of the sun and in the morning, we will remember them. R.L. Binyon
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along-for-the-ride
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Less Tolerance
I dunno............I have found as I have gotten older, I have more tolerance for other people...........in most cases. I am aware of my imperfections, so I don't expect others to be perfect. I do despise intentional cruelty in others as I would despise this in myself.
Good advise has already been give here for your present situation.
Good advise has already been give here for your present situation.
Life is a Highway. Let's share the Commute.
Less Tolerance
No matter how old the children are, or how long their mother has been gone... they will feel guilt if they do like you. This is an issue they have to resolve for themselves. It will just take time, and the less you respond to any drama they create... harmony will happen quicker. Nine months is not a long time. Particuarly if you measure that against the length of time that their mother and father were together. It is almost an act of betrayal in their minds, if they embrace dads new situation with you right away. It is simply human nature. I have found it to be rare for the waters to be calm immediately, in a situation like yours. Everyones advice was good. Times when you are out of the picture. Off doing your own thing. Right now, more than likely they dont even see YOU. Your just her.
My 83 year old dad has a live in girlfriend. Shes 54.
Im 58, my sister is 48. The thought of her sickened my sister and I for a long while. Didnt give who she was a thought. She is a wonderful companion for him, and a kind and giving person. My sister and I shunned this lovely woman for a couple of years, simply because we felt it was a betrayal to our mom to acknowledge her. We werent mean to her or anything, we just went into denial
about the whole thing. This past Christmas I had my dad and his mate here for Christmas dinner. It was very very nice.
My 83 year old dad has a live in girlfriend. Shes 54.
Im 58, my sister is 48. The thought of her sickened my sister and I for a long while. Didnt give who she was a thought. She is a wonderful companion for him, and a kind and giving person. My sister and I shunned this lovely woman for a couple of years, simply because we felt it was a betrayal to our mom to acknowledge her. We werent mean to her or anything, we just went into denial
about the whole thing. This past Christmas I had my dad and his mate here for Christmas dinner. It was very very nice.
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Less Tolerance
Seems as I get older I have more patience and tolerance, all depends really on the situation.
Life is just to short for drama.