The art of Conversation

[minks]

Does anyone besides me think this is a lost art? :-5

Is conversation not supposed to be about talk, listen, talk, listen, talk, listen etc?

I am seeing more and more with a "younger generation" where it's more like a competition. OMG just talk right over top of everybody involved.

I have always considered myself an exceptionally good listener. I like to hear what people have to say and like to engage in a multi sided conversation. I have asked people to carry on with their conversations after others have interupted and made them stop. I like to think I give everybody a fair chance to speak and voice their sides to every story. However either I am getting older and less tolerant of the way conversations go, or people are just "all about themselves" and others conversations, opinions, stories etc. really don't matter to them.

hmmmmm maybe I should continue to persue my life as a hermit... seems mighty appealing some days.:wah:

[YZGI]

I'm with you Minks, I am constantly saying "Um excuse me I believe I was talking " LOL

[minks]

YZGI;1294173 wrote: I'm with you Minks, I am constantly saying "Um excuse me I believe I was talking " LOL


Geeze ya me too, it drives me nuts. I have actually told someone to shut up cause they were bugging the heck out of me while I was trying to have a group conversation. (actually I think choking her would have been more satisfactory but well you know...)

And get this ... she laughed at me, didn't take me seriously and continued to be an ass through the entire convo.

:-5

[Nomad]

Not what many would consider my strong point.

[minks]

Nomad;1294176 wrote: Not what many would consider my strong point.


?? Conversation?? Or choking someone :yh_rotfl

[Jazzy]

What are we talking about

[Betty Boop]

minks;1294174 wrote: Geeze ya me too, it drives me nuts. I have actually told someone to shut up cause they were bugging the heck out of me while I was trying to have a group conversation. (actually I think choking her would have been more satisfactory but well you know...)

And get this ... she laughed at me, didn't take me seriously and continued to be an ass through the entire convo.

:-5


Maybe it stems from never being told as a child not to interrupt. I have plenty of friends whose children constantly butt in, they get ignored at first then they get louder and louder until mum gives in and hears them. Mine are told instantly, 'wait one moment I am speaking' then when I am done they get to speak. Children who learn that they are not the centre of everyone's universe become adults who realise this too

I have been known to say 'Did your mother never tell you it's rude to interrupt' in similar company to yours

[Ahso!]

Some people are just not very good at social structure and interaction. Unfortunately most of them are not aware of that fact nor know how to deal with it and find themselves in situations where they behave inappropriately.

We all realize children do this regularly, but when its adults displaying the behavior theres reason to suspect a disconnect somewhere involving social etiquette. Some associate this with various anxiety difficulties labeled as "disorders". I personally don't like or agree with the term "disorder".

As an aside: Does the period belong inside or outside the quotation mark?

[Ahso!]

Betty Boop;1294180 wrote: Maybe it stems from never being told as a child not to interrupt. I have plenty of friends whose children constantly butt in, they get ignored at first then they get louder and louder until mum gives in and hears them. Mine are told instantly, 'wait one moment I am speaking' then when I am done they get to speak. Children who learn that they are not the centre of everyone's universe become adults who realise this too

I have been known to say 'Did your mother never tell you it's rude to interrupt' in similar company to yours ;)Thats true, BB. I used to give my kids a sign when they did that: I would touch my ear and then my mouth to remind them to listen first and then speak when opportunity avails itself with a significant pause.

Though most adults do figure this out themselves even if not properly taught as children.

[G#Gill]

Conversation, the art of...............................

It does annoy me when somebody just hogs the 'stage' and hardly draws breath. They just plough on and on, with no natural spaces where somebody else may add something to the conversation. Now, I am a natural chatterbox, but I would like to think that I do allow others to add their thoughts to the conversation by leaving an appropriate gap at the end of a sentence. But I tend to drift away to somewhere else, if possible, when there is somebody that goes on and on with no let-up.

You are quite right, Minks, about the younger generation talking over the top of others. My nephew is a prime example, so when he chips in and doesn't stop, I just carry on and finish what I am saying regardless. The person I am talking to usually hears what I say, and takes no notice of my nephew ! But it does seem to be a trend, and as you say, a competition with regard to the young adults.

I loathe going into a pub that has a preponderance of younger people - they are sooo loud ffs ! I just turn round and make good my escape, and hope anybody with me is doing the same :rolleyes:

[Odie]

ahhhhhhhhhh yes, the younger generation where every second word is 'like'.

Hi, like how are you?

like did you watch that show?



did you like see him?

did you ever like notice my conversation like?

:rolleyes:

[minks]

Betty Boop;1294180 wrote: Maybe it stems from never being told as a child not to interrupt. I have plenty of friends whose children constantly butt in, they get ignored at first then they get louder and louder until mum gives in and hears them. Mine are told instantly, 'wait one moment I am speaking' then when I am done they get to speak. Children who learn that they are not the centre of everyone's universe become adults who realise this too

I have been known to say 'Did your mother never tell you it's rude to interrupt' in similar company to yours


I have to agree with you there Boops.

[minks]

Ahso!;1294181 wrote: Some people are just not very good at social structure and interaction. Unfortunately most of them are not aware of that fact nor know how to deal with it and find themselves in situations where they behave inappropriately.

We all realize children do this regularly, but when its adults displaying the behavior theres reason to suspect a disconnect somewhere involving social etiquette. Some associate this with various anxiety difficulties labeled as "disorders". I personally don't like or agree with the term "disorder".

As an aside: Does the period belong inside or outside the quotation mark?

I believe it belongs on the outside.



No maybe they are not so good at social structure, what about politeness, is it not polite to allow people to have their say in a conversation, is it not polite to wait your turn, is it not polite to have polite conversation too at some point and time.

[minks]

Oh yes Gill you got that right... I struggle with conversation around those who drink. Seems they get louder and bolder and I grow weary of it. I enjoy a person talking I really do, I find many people very interesting. I think everybody involved should be given the opportunity to contribute.

We have the perfect examples here at work. Many of my co-workers have worked in other countries and have some very interesting stories and experiences some are a little meek when it comes to sharing in group conversation so I like to encourage them to talk with me. Then suddenly we get a few people (oddly these few have no "worldly" experience) who like to railroad the conversation and take it over and suddenly the conversation with those I engaged with is lost. I often am pulling it back to the person I started to chat with.

How do we learn from others if we won't let them share experiences with us.

:-5

[Ahso!]

minks;1294199 wrote:

I believe it belongs on the outside.



No maybe they are not so good at social structure, what about politeness, is it not polite to allow people to have their say in a conversation, is it not polite to wait your turn, is it not polite to have polite conversation too at some point and time.Those I'm referring to don't realize they are behaving impolitely. To them they are merely being part of a conversation and adding their view. They simply don't understand when it is their turn to speak. Sometimes people understand they cannot concentrate on longer conversations and interject their thoughts while they have them.

We all want to be liked, so chances are they're not doing it intentionally.

I'm not making excuses for people as much as I'm making you aware of some possible reasons for the behavior. It then makes it easier to deal with the situation.

If its certain people who do this you may want to pause when they interject, look at them and inform them you will let them know when you're finished speaking. That will help them realize what they are doing. If they get offended and walk away in a huff - oh well! At least the next time thy will know better if they want to be included in the conversation.

[woppy71]

minks;1294169 wrote: Does anyone besides me think this is a lost art? :-5

Is conversation not supposed to be about talk, listen, talk, listen, talk, listen etc?


Ah, marriage...... :yh_rotfl

[Saint_]

Wow! I get this so much from the kids at school. they'll always jump right in and talk over each other as if they don't even see the other person. I usually say in a quiet voice, "Did you just interrupt her?"

What's worse is that both adults and children now seem to believe that the way to win an argument is to shout loudly over the other person until they give up. (See: health care meetings)

Extremely rude.

[minks]

Ahso!;1294205 wrote: Those I'm referring to don't realize they are behaving impolitely. To them they are merely being part of a conversation and adding their view. They simply don't understand when it is their turn to speak. Sometimes people understand they cannot concentrate on longer conversations and interject their thoughts while they have them.

We all want to be liked, so chances are they're not doing it intentionally.

I'm not making excuses for people as much as I'm making you aware of some possible reasons for the behavior. It then makes it easier to deal with the situation.

If its certain people who do this you may want to pause when they interject, look at them and inform them you will let them know when you're finished speaking. That will help them realize what they are doing. If they get offended and walk away in a huff - oh well! At least the next time thy will know better if they want to be included in the conversation.


Oh Ahso I completely understand that, some people are completely unaware of how they "work" a conversation. My youngest daughter is the perfect example and no amount of training works on her. She has exactly the concentration issue you refer to and I do find her frustrating and have done my best to make her aware sadly she will be forever a product of her condition. I do get that.

I am trying not to pass judgement on everybody who I converse with.

[minks]

woppy71;1294207 wrote: Ah, marriage...... :yh_rotfl


oh is that is dam I am so in the wrong situation ahahahahaha

[minks]

Saint_;1294244 wrote: Wow! I get this so much from the kids at school. they'll always jump right in and talk over each other as if they don't even see the other person. I usually say in a quiet voice, "Did you just interrupt her?"

What's worse is that both adults and children now seem to believe that the way to win an argument is to shout loudly over the other person until they give up. (See: health care meetings)

Extremely rude.


You remind me of a great tactic I saw on of all movies "the devil wears prada"

Meryl Streep when finished with Anne Hathaway in conversation would very quietly say "that's all" I thought that was awesome, drop the volume in your voice and people are foced to listen to you or if nothing else you get a guage on weather they are listening to you or not.

[along-for-the-ride]

http://ezinearticles.com/?How-To-Master ... n&id=33622



Folks need to look the other person in the eye, take a deep breath..........and listen. I use the "pregnant pause'" technique. I try to take a few seconds of thought and silence, before I speak. I've never been a chatty person.

[minks]

along-for-the-ride;1294275 wrote: http://ezinearticles.com/?how-to-master ... n&id=33622



folks need to look the other person in the eye, take a deep breath..........and listen. I use the "pregnant pause'" technique. I try to take a few seconds of thought and silence, before i speak. i've never been a chatty person.


yes yes yes!!!

[Odie]

woppy71;1294207 wrote: Ah, marriage...... :yh_rotfl


is that a good thing?:yh_rotfl

[G#Gill]

The art of conversation, is to utter words from one's mouth in a coherent manner !

;)

[minks]

G#Gill;1294364 wrote: The art of conversation, is to utter words from one's mouth in a coherent manner !

;)


oh ahahaha so drunks fail... yep your right there Gill :wah:

[spot]

Ahso!;1294181 wrote: As an aside: Does the period belong inside or outside the quotation mark?My school taught me logical punctuation, and fortunately my sense of what's elegant agrees with what I was taught.

http://ling.ed.ac.uk/~gpullum/punctfree.pdf is an excellent article and well worth careful reading. Flexibility in choosing whether to put the full stop inside or outside allows more information to be conveyed. When in doubt, through ignorance of the original text, I'd use outside as the default since inside makes an unjustifiable claim.

As for being interrupted, I immediately shut up rather than attempt to carry on speaking. I do think there's a place for interruption, if the point is going to be long in the past by the time I'd otherwise get back to it, but it needs to be done with permission and rarely.

[minks]

spot;1294452 wrote: My school taught me logical punctuation, and fortunately my sense of what's elegant agrees with what I was taught.

http://ling.ed.ac.uk/~gpullum/punctfree.pdf is an excellent article and well worth careful reading. Flexibility in choosing whether to put the full stop inside or outside allows more information to be conveyed. When in doubt, through ignorance of the original text, I'd use outside as the default since inside makes an unjustifiable claim.

As for being interrupted, I immediately shut up rather than attempt to carry on speaking. I do think there's a place for interruption, if the point is going to be long in the past by the time I'd otherwise get back to it, but it needs to be done with permission and rarely.


I suppose so Spot. (in response to the red)

As for stopping immediately due to an interuption is unfortunate. I suppose it means the controller of the conversation puts little value to what you have to say. That is a pity cause they get just what they wanted.... control of the conversation.... ugh.... that too drives me batty.

I guess it's just proof there are 2 kinds of people when it comes to conversation...

the talkers

the listeners

I guess that is why I like the typed word we can read and pause at our leisure.

[Saint_]

spot;1294452 wrote:

As for being interrupted, I immediately shut up rather than attempt to carry on speaking..


It's funny that you would say that. As a teacher, of course being interrupted is a part of my job. When I was just beginning, I once walked by a classroom and heard through the open door a teacher screaming at her class, "I TOLD YOU TO SHUUUUT UUUPPP!!"

First, I promised myself that if I ever reached that point, I'd quit or retire, then I decided I needed a better coping skill. So what I do is to stand up in front of the class, slowly raise my hand, and remain absolutely silent. At first one student will notice, then, like a ripple in a pond, the whole room will fall silent. No shouting, no screaming, no stress. it works like a charm.

[minks]

Saint_;1294458 wrote: It's funny that you would say that. As a teacher, of course being interrupted is a part of my job. When I was just beginning, I once walked by a classroom and heard through the open door a teacher screaming at her class, "I TOLD YOU TO SHUUUUT UUUPPP!!"

First, I promised myself that if I ever reached that point, I'd quit or retire, then I decided I needed a better coping skill. So what I do is to stand up in front of the class, slowly raise my hand, and remain absolutely silent. At first one student will notice, then, like a ripple in a pond, the whole room will fall silent. No shouting, no screaming, no stress. it works like a charm.


hah I would try that with a handful of co-workers but might end up flipping them the bird ahahahaha

It is a good tactic, I used to hold up the index finger in silence to my girls when they would interupt. They caught on after awhile that I was serious about them letting me finish what I had to say. My youngest still struggles with this but I suppose that is the way she will always be.

[chonsigirl]

:wah: I am thinking of Saint, yes, they try at first to interrupt us all the time.

[Ahso!]

spot;1294452 wrote: My school taught me logical punctuation, and fortunately my sense of what's elegant agrees with what I was taught.

http://ling.ed.ac.uk/~gpullum/punctfree.pdf is an excellent article and well worth careful reading. Flexibility in choosing whether to put the full stop inside or outside allows more information to be conveyed. When in doubt, through ignorance of the original text, I'd use outside as the default since inside makes an unjustifiable claim.

As for being interrupted, I immediately shut up rather than attempt to carry on speaking. I do think there's a place for interruption, if the point is going to be long in the past by the time I'd otherwise get back to it, but it needs to be done with permission and rarely.Thanks, Spot! I'll read it.

And I agree with your last thought.

[hoppy]

A co-worker of mine used to drone on and on. When he paused it was long enough that people thought he was done speaking and would cut in or change the subject. That would P O the guy something awful but he never caught on.

[minks]

hoppy;1294599 wrote: A co-worker of mine used to drone on and on. When he paused it was long enough that people thought he was done speaking and would cut in or change the subject. That would P O the guy something awful but he never caught on.


ugh yes that is where interuption is acceptable

[Ozay]

Eastenders is funny the way it potrays young people. It had them all saying 'innit' the other day at part of a sentence that makes no sense whatsover and this seems to be a craze with the chavs they are pretending to be.....an example:

' i went to the park, innit! I am off to college, innit!' I just think that soap went over the top really!

[beowulf]

'innit' is something that really annoys me but what is worse is someone who, every other sentance, uses 'you know what i mean'....:-5:-5:-5.............i tend to say, everytime, 'no....i dont know what you mean, please explain'....they soon learn

[hoppy]

I tend to generalize a lot, especially when it comes to numbers. I hate those who cut in with the exact numbers when it has no matter or importance to the conversation.

[Oscar Namechange]

beowulf;1295992 wrote: 'innit' is something that really annoys me but what is worse is someone who, every other sentance, uses 'you know what i mean'....:-5:-5:-5.............i tend to say, everytime, 'no....i dont know what you mean, please explain'....they soon learn
I have an extremely Irriting neighbour. Every sentence ends In 'know what I mean?' and begins with 'I'm not being funny like.... But..'... That's the point I say 'I do apologise but your mistaking me for some-one who cares.'

I tend to wander off when they start with 'It's a bit of along story...But...'... Or, 'Well, It was quite funny really'. That means It Is not In the slightest bit funny but they are going to tell you anyway.

[beowulf]

lol...an old freind has the habit of telling you something.......starts with 'to cut a long stroy short'.................and then the tale takes ages to get told with much rambling :yh_rotfl

[Oscar Namechange]

beowulf;1296017 wrote: lol...an old freind has the habit of telling you something.......starts with 'to cut a long stroy short'.................and then the tale takes ages to get told with much rambling :yh_rotfl
Or... 'Strictly between you and me'.... That means they have already told the whole town and his dog.