The Nervous Priest.

[binbag]

Not new, but still funny.



A new Priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.

After mass he decided to tell the Monsignor of his nervousness and asked him how he had done.

The Monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the Pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip."

So the next Sunday the priest took the Monsignor's advice.

At the beginning of the sermon, he got so nervous he took a drink of the Vodka, then proceeded to talk up a storm.

Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note on the door:

1

Sip the vodka, don't gulp.



2

There are 10 commandments, not 12.



3

There are 12 disciples, not 10.



4

Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.



5

acob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.



6

We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C..



7

The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the Spook.



8

David slew Goliath; he did not kick the s**t out of him.



9

When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass.



10

We do not refer to the cross as the 'Big T.'



11

When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, "Take this and eat it for this is my body." He did not say, "Eat me."



12

The Virgin Mary is not called 'Mary with the Cherry'.



13

The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, Yeah God.