What I don't want for Christmas

[Oscar Namechange]

Yah boo humbug

I ) Anything Pink

2 ) Anything that buttons up the front because you think It'll suit me.

3 ) Onesie's because you think they're cute

4 ) Slippers with animal heads that will see me trip down the stairs by Boxing Day

5 ) Chocolates with non descript fillings that I've never seen before. ie monkey serum and bark resin.

6 ) Bath salts that would strip paint let alone my skin

7 ) Perfume Issued by some Z list celeb In a vain attempt to revive a flagging career.

8 ) Make Up Kits with colours that would make a clown look an arsse

9 ) Some gadget for the kitchen that you think will make my life easier only for me to spend an hour cleaning It after us.

10 ) Cheap supermarket Riesling because you have no Imagination to think of anything else.

11 ) Ornaments of cute Bunnies that you think I'll love In my china collection.

12) Costume jewellry that Kat Slater wouldn't be seen dead In

13 ) Pants that come up to the waist because you think every woman my age wears them.

14 ) A framed photograph of yourself because you believe my life Is empty without you.

15 ) A wilted pot plant because you rushed to the petrol station on Christmas Eve.

16) A Poinsetta who's leaves will be all over my floor by Boxing Day.

17 ) Cute little doggie coats because you think I'll be so thrilled to make my dogs look moronic,

18 ) Anything novelty ie novelty cookie jars because you think I share your same Inane humour.

19 ) Medical aids such as tablet dispensers because you think I'm getting on a bit and It'll come In handy.

20 ) Some god awful personal hygiene appliance ie an eyebrow groomer that you think I so need...

I'm sure I'll think of some more but yah boo humbug.

Yes Yes Yes, I know It's the thought that counts ...

[Chloe_88]

I always get frickin candles.. and the cat spends christmas without his eyebrows.. Stop with the frickin candles! I can light up a football stadium with them by now!

[Oscar Namechange]

Chloe_88;1439041 wrote: I always get frickin candles.. and the cat spends christmas without his eyebrows.. Stop with the frickin candles! I can light up a football stadium with them by now!


Yeah that's another one... bloody scented Candles.

[Chloe_88]

oscar;1439043 wrote: Yeah that's another one... bloody scented Candles.


Should make those things illegal...

[Snooz]

Ah, I like candles. I'd also accept some cheap wine... I'm not that fussy if the alcohol content is fairly high.

[Oscar Namechange]

SnoozeAgain;1439056 wrote: Ah, I like candles. I'd also accept some cheap wine... I'm not that fussy if the alcohol content is fairly high.


That's you sorted for Christmas then.

I've given my husband a list of what I'll accept.

[Snooz]

I just ordered some of those little bottle shaped chocolates with booze inside and I'm SOOOO excited! I figured I'd get a pop-up telling me they don't ship to Utah but so far the order looks good.

[Oscar Namechange]

SnoozeAgain;1439060 wrote: I just ordered some of those little bottle shaped chocolates with booze inside and I'm SOOOO excited! I figured I'd get a pop-up telling me they don't ship to Utah but so far the order looks good.


Ooo I love them. Luckily, I have a relative who buys me a decent box every year probably because he thinks I'm a drunk.

[SophieJames]

I will accpet anything but not cloths. lol

[YZGI]

You forgot fruitcake.

[AnneBoleyn]

I don't want Christmas. Sick of the whole damned thing, year after year. Can't we skip it even once?

[Bryn Mawr]

AnneBoleyn;1439717 wrote: I don't want Christmas. Sick of the whole damned thing, year after year. Can't we skip it even once?


Christmas time is here, by golly,

Disapproval would be folly,

Deck the halls with hunks of holly,

Fill the cup and don't say "when."

Kill the turkeys, ducks and chickens,

Mix the punch, drag out the Dickens,

Even though the prospect sickens,

Brother, here we go again.

On Christmas Day you can't get sore,

Your fellow man you must adore,

There's time to rob him all the more

The other three hundred and sixty-four.

Relations, sparing no expense'll

Send some useless old utensil,

Or a matching pen and pencil.

"Just the thing I need! How nice!"

It doesn't matter how sincere it

Is, nor how heartfelt the spirit,

Sentiment will not endear it,

What's important is the price.

Hark the Herald Tribune sings,

Advertising wondrous things.

God rest ye merry, merchants,

May you make the Yuletide pay.

Angels we have heard on high

Tell us to go out and buy!

So let the raucous sleigh bells jingle,

Hail our dear old friend Kris Kringle,

Driving his reindeer across the sky.

Don't stand underneath when they fly by.



A Christmas Carol by Tom Lehrer

[Oscar Namechange]

Bryn Mawr;1439771 wrote: Christmas time is here, by golly,

Disapproval would be folly,

Deck the halls with hunks of holly,

Fill the cup and don't say "when."

Kill the turkeys, ducks and chickens,

Mix the punch, drag out the Dickens,

Even though the prospect sickens,

Brother, here we go again.

On Christmas Day you can't get sore,

Your fellow man you must adore,

There's time to rob him all the more

The other three hundred and sixty-four.

Relations, sparing no expense'll

Send some useless old utensil,

Or a matching pen and pencil.

"Just the thing I need! How nice!"

It doesn't matter how sincere it

Is, nor how heartfelt the spirit,

Sentiment will not endear it,

What's important is the price.

Hark the Herald Tribune sings,

Advertising wondrous things.

God rest ye merry, merchants,

May you make the Yuletide pay.

Angels we have heard on high

Tell us to go out and buy!

So let the raucous sleigh bells jingle,

Hail our dear old friend Kris Kringle,

Driving his reindeer across the sky.

Don't stand underneath when they fly by.



A Christmas Carol by Tom Lehrer


Oh how true !!!!

:wah::wah::wah:

[AnneBoleyn]

HUMBUG!

............but true.