Stupid Family

nvalleyvee · Post by **nvalleyvee** » Fri Jun 03, 2005 6:30 pm

Have you ever had your family call you stupid? I hate that - especially when they haven't had any involvement in my life for years. ARRRGGHHHH. Go away a-holes and leave me alone - like you've done for years. What is it that makes people soooo need to put their 2 cents in when they aren't invited to do so? I think it is because my life got significantly better and the family can't stand that I'm happy. Comments anyone?

koan · Post by **koan** » Fri Jun 03, 2005 6:36 pm

It probably because they can't stand that you don't need them.

I had to decide a few years ago that my family did not have special rights to abuse me. You have to call them on it right away, too. Name the beast while it is visible. I make a point to thank them when they are helpful too. Nothing is ALL bad. Well, few things, anyway.

nvalleyvee · Post by **nvalleyvee** » Fri Jun 03, 2005 6:44 pm

koan wrote: It probably because they can't stand that you don't need them.

I had to decide a few years ago that my family did not have special rights to abuse me. You have to call them on it right away, too. Name the beast while it is visible. I make a point to thank them when they are helpful too. Nothing is ALL bad. Well, few things, anyway.

Thanks Koan. My family also abused me - I was never allowed to talk about it and didn't mean to include that on this thread - thanks again. I have gotten help - as with my cancer - but now that I'm well they want to dictate my actions - NOT. Geez - I'm darned close to 50 - I get to live my OWN life now - thank-you very much. BTW - my daughter agrees.

koan · Post by **koan** » Fri Jun 03, 2005 6:53 pm

Family seems to think they can take anger out on each other because they are family and HAVE to put up with it or forgive it. Being hurt by your family hurts more than anything else because they are supposed to love you more than anyone else. Being mad at your family for hurting you creates unfounded guilt because you think you are supposed to forgive them for everything and love them unconditionally. Unfortunately some members of our families are a**holes. They only deserve forgiveness if they are truly sorry and make an effort to change how they treat you.

nvalleyvee · Post by **nvalleyvee** » Fri Jun 03, 2005 6:57 pm

koan wrote: Family seems to think they can take anger out on each other because they are family and HAVE to put up with it or forgive it. Being hurt by your family hurts more than anything else because they are supposed to love you more than anyone else. Being mad at your family for hurting you creates unfounded guilt because you think you are supposed to forgive them for everything and love them unconditionally. Unfortunately some members of our families are a**holes. They only deserve forgiveness if they are truly sorry and make an effort to change how they treat you.

My family always gets upset because I tell them where to go and I tell them when - if they don't get the "where to go " message. My life is too much fun and precious to me. No one gets past - "let's tell Vanessa what to do".

nvalleyvee · Post by **nvalleyvee** » Fri Jun 03, 2005 7:05 pm

Actually my family is upset because I'm getting married again. I love him dearly. We get along like the perverbial 2 peas in a pod. I'm 50 and so is he - go figure the "do you know what you're doing" statement. :yh_rotfl All in all - I'm not interested in the family opinion.

koan · Post by **koan** » Fri Jun 03, 2005 7:31 pm

I take it the guilt at being angry with them is not a problem for you. :wah: If my mother still thinks she knows best by the time I'm fifty I'll have an unlisted number.

valerie · Post by **valerie** » Fri Jun 03, 2005 7:43 pm

Boy, Koan, you really nailed it!!

I'm going through some stuff with my youngest sister and it is really

hurtful, because she DOESN'T change the way she treats me! She

is really bossy and holier-than-thou and quick with all the "you

should"s and it really ticks me off.

At least she lives almost 1,000 miles away!

;)

nvalleyvee · Post by **nvalleyvee** » Fri Jun 03, 2005 8:27 pm

koan wrote: I take it the guilt at being angry with them is not a problem for you. :wah: If my mother still thinks she knows best by the time I'm fifty I'll have an unlisted number.

We are getting married with my daughter and her husband as witness'. The rest of the family is not invited. Screw them.

koan · Post by **koan** » Fri Jun 03, 2005 9:27 pm

Congratulations, nvv.

Everyone who knows you should be happy for you.

john8pies · Post by **john8pies** » Sat Jun 04, 2005 5:23 am

what do you mean, have I EVER had any of my family call me stupid? ALL my family KNOW I`m stupid!!!!!