argos doesnt take care of it the A.A grumpy columnn

[AA grumpy]

hello its the editor here rifling the underwear drawer of life and sniffing out..

hey you cant say things like that on my column ( AAG) now let me have my column back and put my brandy down.

sorry about that the editor gets like this when its past opening time

now to tonights column when you need something new or are generally looking for something for the home birthdays,xmas etc you turn to that laminated book of dreams.. kays catalogue? (ED).. no and dont be disgusting

im talking about the argos catalogue and now the laminated app of dreams to select your new toy/kettle/fishing pole/piece of cheap jewelry. After that it's a few minutes wait before your new thing appears from the mysterious back room But the Argos product recall page might make you want to curl up into a tiny ball and use that little blue pencil to type in the product code help!

Here are a few products you might want to double check you don't own.



Prestige Pressure Cooker

Problem: It can shoot you with small bits of food after a pressure build-up - not an ideal trait for a pressure cooker.

argos Solution: Unplug it immediately and take it back to Argos.

grumpy solution: as one only orders from harrods i dont get this problem

Hello Kitty Cuddle Pillow

Problem: It's very cuddly, but it can also catch on fire quite easily (and also, apparently Hello Kitty is no longer a cat, but actually a human which makes it all a little bit strange).

argos Solution: Stop cuddling the product immediately.

grumpy solution : do not smoke around this product especially if your head is laid on the pillow at the time otherwise you can end up with a singed head of hair MJ style

TomTom GPS positioning software issue

Problem: It couldn't tell you where you were, which is a fundamental failing for a GPS.

Solution: It's been fixed now, so hopefully you can find your way home.

grumpy solution: im glad about that as i,ve just spent a whole week going around the M25 london orbital car park



1.5 Tonne Trolley Jack Kit (purchased prior to Nov 2010)

Problem: There's a possibility it can fail in its basic purpose as a jack (more info on product batch affected here).

Solution: Step away from your car and take the jack back to Argos... by foot.

grumpy solution: if you are fortunate enough to survive a ton of volvo V12 dropped on your chest or if you are unfortunate enough that it lands in other places on release from hospital or in the case of other regions after joining the local choir as a soprano or bee gees tribute group sue the pants off them.

or if you happen to suspect your wife could be doing this for the £1,000000 insurance policy she has just taken out on you check the equiptment first.

What is it: Beanstalk and Chad Valley Musical Band

Advice: (To quote Argos) PLEASE STOP USING THE TRUMPET IMMEDIATELY.

Solution: Call Argos between 9-5 Monday to Friday so they can send you a replacement trumpet. This item was part of a children's play set and some of the parts are not suitable for children...

grumpy solution: if the child turns red, blue or purple or any colour not normally associated with normal skin colour take the trumpet off the child and rush them to the local A&E however i suggest BUPA or some other private medical insurance as after all the NHS is a bit hit and miss these days and there are better things to do then wait 4 hours to see a doctor in the local hospital.

Phillips Senseo Coffee Maker

Problem: It can explode due to a build-up of scale and pressure... and electric fault.

solution: Step away from the coffee machine.

grumpy solution: after cleaning the walls.. call in a reputable decorator

and head to sainsburys, morrisons or tescos as aldi and lidll are for the dole brigade and students and purchase yourself a large jar of nescafe instant coffee



Kitchen Utensils

Problem: They contain chemicals considered to be possible causes of cancer.

Solution: If you do own these you really should stop using them immediately.

grumpy solution: or donate them to the charity shop as they will gladly accept the old tat you are too tight to throw away dont try and sell them on e bay as you are likely to recieve negative feedback from a very irate widower



Salter Essentials Deep Fat Fryer SDA-FF1

Problem: It can burst into flame if it has the product code 4409 or 5109 (though not as a direct result of having these product codes, it should be pointed out).

Argos' solution: (We quote) "PLEASE STOP USING IT IMMEDIATELY".

grumpy solution: get the bentley out of the garage and head to your local chip hovel and purchase fish and chips or if you are lucky enough to have a chip hovel that delivers pick up your BT slim line phone and order fish and chips for delivery but do not tip the driver if they complain stick your 12 gauge shotgun up their hooter and remind them politely you do not tip EVER !

Speedo Sea Squad Float Vest

Problem: A problem which "affects buoyancy"... i.e. it doesn't float.

Solution: Take it back, and get a full refund.

grumpy solution: explain to argos that during a party on your private yacht off the coast of bridlington that 10 of your guests drowned because the speedo float vest didnt float and this completely ruined the evening.



Justin Bieber Night Shirt

Problem: It has Justin Bieber on it doesn't "comply with the flammability requirements for nightdresses".

Solution: Get a refund, buy a better night shirt.

grumpy solution: or risk becoming a eunoch

Hearts Beaded Doors Curtains

Problem: The heart beads can, on some occasions, be, er, hurt beads. They can strangle you.

Solution: Don't buy door curtains in the first place because they're hideous.

grumpy solution: invest instead in heavy WW2 blackout curtains it prevents unexpected guests coming to visit or stay as they think you are out and the lights are off.. the only problem is this will increase your electricity bill as you will need the lights on and will make the house as hot

as an arabs sandals but would be great for the tomatoes

AAG



The Argos product recall page details all known products sold by the company which would be faulty, if you own any of the products listed on the page, follow the instructions given by Argos.

This Argos product recall list will make you never want to buy anything ever again - Mirror Online

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