being a parent
being a parent
what does being a parent mean to you? i was reading in the "evil" thread about an incident at walmart, and didn't want to take the thread off track...but it made me think of something that bothered me a lot in walmart one day. a woman had a cute little boy about three years of age in the carriage seat. he was crying and being a little noisy over the candy bars he saw in the checkout lane. he was probably tired and cranky. so mom sees me, i had come in to collect a shoplifter, and was in uniform...she loudly said to the child "see that police lady, if you don't shut the F up, she will take you to jail" i was horrified and mortified, what an awful thing to say to him! that child may never feel safe around a police officer or trust one to help him. so that female taught her son in one moment to fear the police. ....i wanted to cuff HER up! ...what is your philosophy of parenting? and how do we set examples for our children?
being a parent
It drives me absolutely insane when parents do this. Great way to get your kid to hide from police if they ever get lost or are needed for some reason. My kids are 15 and 17 now and have since formed their own opinions and I'm sure you don't want to know my son's opinion since the man who hit him with the ballbat only got 50 days.
I pick my battles with my kids. By that I mean, it drives me insane when my son doesn't put the lid on the toothpaste but why fight about it? I'm grateful he uses it. 2-3 baths a day? Drives me nuts, but at least they are clean, etc. Why battle over petty things when there is so much worse we could battle over?
Everday, from the day you have that child, is an example. That's why the cycle of abuse goes on. When they see this is how you deal with things, or that you take abuse, they consider it the norm. Communication is the second most important part of parenting, with love being the most important.
I pick my battles with my kids. By that I mean, it drives me insane when my son doesn't put the lid on the toothpaste but why fight about it? I'm grateful he uses it. 2-3 baths a day? Drives me nuts, but at least they are clean, etc. Why battle over petty things when there is so much worse we could battle over?
Everday, from the day you have that child, is an example. That's why the cycle of abuse goes on. When they see this is how you deal with things, or that you take abuse, they consider it the norm. Communication is the second most important part of parenting, with love being the most important.
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A Karenina
- Posts: 968
- Joined: Thu Oct 14, 2004 8:36 am
being a parent
Philosophy of parenting....I could write a very long (boring) book on it.
Taking a minute to brag about my son, we've been busy lately getting him ready to leave for boot camp. He's got furniture and electronics to store (boy, does he have the electronics! LOL). He's got an apartment to give up, needs a place to stay for 2 weeks, and so on. So, we've been steadily taking care of those things.
He left a message on my voice mail the other night out of the blue, saying that he loves me and he's so glad I'm his mom. Wow! What a great kid, ya know? So loving, and appreciative. He impresses me more every day.
Peg nailed it - love is the alpha and omega.
Teaching is by example. We can drone on endlessly, but unless we do it ourselves, it's a waste of time. My son says he learned some of his best lessons by watching me do things that I rarely talked about to him. We did a ton of community work when he was growing up, and I took him with me everywhere. I didn't preach about it, because it was my individual choice to be active in the community...but today he firmly believes in community, work, helping others, and being responsible/considerate. Just from watching - no effort needed on my part. Those kids see everything!
Consistency. When a kid knows the boundaries, and they are (relatively) unchanging, then it's much easier to raise a fair-minded and responsible person.
Questioning. I used this a lot. Of course, I keep telling my kid I was a bad mommy because he's not in therapy yet from my parenting.
But, I spent a lot of time asking questions about their thoughts, what they've read, what they see, how their friends behave, what's fair from a parental point of view, and so on. It was my hope that they'd all grow up to be independent thinkers. So far, so good.
Security and Risk. Contradictory, I guess. My dad used to say he gave me enough rope to hang myself, and then pulled me in. I used that same sort of philosophy with my own, so that they'd be brave enough to take risks, but not so big that they couldn't handle it or would permanently damage themselves in the process.
Humor. I can't stress how much I relied on humor to get through child-rearing. Tired and cranky kids are no fun in the store, but a bit of understanding, some humor, and a sense of fun can change most situations.
Power Struggle. I don't recommend it. My boyfriend and I were watching a 7-year-old kid and his mom having a huge power struggle over an empty water bottle at the park on Sunday. Lots of yelling; her insistence that he would pick it up, his stubborn rebellion that he would not. Yuck! Why go there? Make a game of kicking the water bottle to the garbage can, or quietly pick it up yourself (that example again). *sigh* Ah well...another potential delinquent on the rise. I think power struggles are one of the worst ways to raise kids. We are the adults. Surely we can outsmart a kid. (Right?? Right?? LOL)
And, for the record, I never taught the kids to fear authority figures. On the other hand, I didn't teach them to blindly accept whatever was being told them, either. Judge each person as they come, with the benefit of the doubt. So far, the oldest one can do that. We'll see about the other two as they develop.
Enough lecturing from me. Who's next?
Taking a minute to brag about my son, we've been busy lately getting him ready to leave for boot camp. He's got furniture and electronics to store (boy, does he have the electronics! LOL). He's got an apartment to give up, needs a place to stay for 2 weeks, and so on. So, we've been steadily taking care of those things.
He left a message on my voice mail the other night out of the blue, saying that he loves me and he's so glad I'm his mom. Wow! What a great kid, ya know? So loving, and appreciative. He impresses me more every day.
Peg nailed it - love is the alpha and omega.
Teaching is by example. We can drone on endlessly, but unless we do it ourselves, it's a waste of time. My son says he learned some of his best lessons by watching me do things that I rarely talked about to him. We did a ton of community work when he was growing up, and I took him with me everywhere. I didn't preach about it, because it was my individual choice to be active in the community...but today he firmly believes in community, work, helping others, and being responsible/considerate. Just from watching - no effort needed on my part. Those kids see everything!
Consistency. When a kid knows the boundaries, and they are (relatively) unchanging, then it's much easier to raise a fair-minded and responsible person.
Questioning. I used this a lot. Of course, I keep telling my kid I was a bad mommy because he's not in therapy yet from my parenting.
But, I spent a lot of time asking questions about their thoughts, what they've read, what they see, how their friends behave, what's fair from a parental point of view, and so on. It was my hope that they'd all grow up to be independent thinkers. So far, so good.
Security and Risk. Contradictory, I guess. My dad used to say he gave me enough rope to hang myself, and then pulled me in. I used that same sort of philosophy with my own, so that they'd be brave enough to take risks, but not so big that they couldn't handle it or would permanently damage themselves in the process.
Humor. I can't stress how much I relied on humor to get through child-rearing. Tired and cranky kids are no fun in the store, but a bit of understanding, some humor, and a sense of fun can change most situations.
Power Struggle. I don't recommend it. My boyfriend and I were watching a 7-year-old kid and his mom having a huge power struggle over an empty water bottle at the park on Sunday. Lots of yelling; her insistence that he would pick it up, his stubborn rebellion that he would not. Yuck! Why go there? Make a game of kicking the water bottle to the garbage can, or quietly pick it up yourself (that example again). *sigh* Ah well...another potential delinquent on the rise. I think power struggles are one of the worst ways to raise kids. We are the adults. Surely we can outsmart a kid. (Right?? Right?? LOL)
And, for the record, I never taught the kids to fear authority figures. On the other hand, I didn't teach them to blindly accept whatever was being told them, either. Judge each person as they come, with the benefit of the doubt. So far, the oldest one can do that. We'll see about the other two as they develop.
Enough lecturing from me. Who's next?
We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act but a habit.
Aristotle
Aristotle
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capt_buzzard
- Posts: 5557
- Joined: Wed Aug 25, 2004 12:00 pm
being a parent
Thanks bit of Jayus I don't have any brats.Frankly, I don't like kids.
being a parent
Being a Parent huh.... first I want to say hey A K nice to see you back too today.
Gosh, Guide them with firm but gentle hands, dicipline them appropriately to the crime and time (never ever in public, or in front of friends take them aside to a quiet place). Love them. Explain everything to them they are capable of learning. Repeat if necessary. Encourage them, praise them and laugh with them never at them. Love them. Listen to them, allow their opinions, and have faith in them, they are still learning. Love them. Accept mistakes and mis direction and be willing to offer guidance again. And last of all Love them.
Gosh, Guide them with firm but gentle hands, dicipline them appropriately to the crime and time (never ever in public, or in front of friends take them aside to a quiet place). Love them. Explain everything to them they are capable of learning. Repeat if necessary. Encourage them, praise them and laugh with them never at them. Love them. Listen to them, allow their opinions, and have faith in them, they are still learning. Love them. Accept mistakes and mis direction and be willing to offer guidance again. And last of all Love them.
�You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.�
― Mae West
― Mae West
being a parent
Peg wrote: and I'm sure you don't want to know my son's opinion since the man who hit him with the ballbat only got 50 days.
that was not the cop's fault, it was the court's fault.
that was not the cop's fault, it was the court's fault.