Philosophy of parenting....I could write a very long (boring) book on it.
Taking a minute to brag about my son, we've been busy lately getting him ready to leave for boot camp. He's got furniture and electronics to store (boy, does he have the electronics! LOL). He's got an apartment to give up, needs a place to stay for 2 weeks, and so on. So, we've been steadily taking care of those things.
He left a message on my voice mail the other night out of the blue, saying that he loves me and he's so glad I'm his mom. Wow! What a great kid, ya know? So loving, and appreciative. He impresses me more every day.
Peg nailed it - love is the alpha and omega.
Teaching is by example. We can drone on endlessly, but unless we do it ourselves, it's a waste of time. My son says he learned some of his best lessons by watching me do things that I rarely talked about to him. We did a ton of community work when he was growing up, and I took him with me everywhere. I didn't preach about it, because it was my individual choice to be active in the community...but today he firmly believes in community, work, helping others, and being responsible/considerate. Just from watching - no effort needed on my part. Those kids see everything!
Consistency. When a kid knows the boundaries, and they are (relatively) unchanging, then it's much easier to raise a fair-minded and responsible person.
Questioning. I used this a lot. Of course, I keep telling my kid I was a bad mommy because he's not in therapy yet from my parenting.
But, I spent a lot of time asking questions about their thoughts, what they've read, what they see, how their friends behave, what's fair from a parental point of view, and so on. It was my hope that they'd all grow up to be independent thinkers. So far, so good.
Security and Risk. Contradictory, I guess. My dad used to say he gave me enough rope to hang myself, and then pulled me in. I used that same sort of philosophy with my own, so that they'd be brave enough to take risks, but not so big that they couldn't handle it or would permanently damage themselves in the process.
Humor. I can't stress how much I relied on humor to get through child-rearing. Tired and cranky kids are no fun in the store, but a bit of understanding, some humor, and a sense of fun can change most situations.
Power Struggle. I don't recommend it. My boyfriend and I were watching a 7-year-old kid and his mom having a huge power struggle over an empty water bottle at the park on Sunday. Lots of yelling; her insistence that he would pick it up, his stubborn rebellion that he would not. Yuck! Why go there? Make a game of kicking the water bottle to the garbage can, or quietly pick it up yourself (that example again). *sigh* Ah well...another potential delinquent on the rise. I think power struggles are one of the worst ways to raise kids. We are the adults. Surely we can outsmart a kid. (Right?? Right?? LOL)
And, for the record, I never taught the kids to fear authority figures. On the other hand, I didn't teach them to blindly accept whatever was being told them, either. Judge each person as they come, with the benefit of the doubt. So far, the oldest one can do that. We'll see about the other two as they develop.
Enough lecturing from me. Who's next?