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jasmund
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Post by jasmund »

If you are having trouble deciding something, or just need someones input click on here and leave your question and alot of us will give you advice



Me first-My ex-husband asked me to get back together with him today, I think its because I am getting re-married shortly. Let me recap, for 6 years he has asked me to get back together, not a good idea I say! However, today he made me doubt myself, see I cant have a conversation with him ever, because he makes me feel guilty and says I am going to hell for leaving him(abusive almost deadly relationship) I guess I just feel so much pity for him. What can I do to get him to move on. I have outright told him get a girlfriend try to enjoy whats left of your live and most of all learn from you mistakes.
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nvalleyvee
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Post by nvalleyvee »

Stay as far away from him as you can Jas. He is a master manipulator!!!!!! I was married to a man like that and have a lifetime restraining order because the violence and after separation stalking and mental crap he did put me in fear of my life. You have kids together so until he does something to the kids I'm afraid for their well being as he may try to get back at you through them. You might want to relay that thought to your local police. PITY - you feel PITY for a man who beat you, put you down, did everything in his power to control you!!! I don't believe that - not even in my heart of hearts. You think the kids need a father - STOP NOW and re-evaluate the first part of your post - say no now and stick to your guns or your kids will be living in foster care because their mother is dead and their father is in jail.
The growth of knowledge depends entirely on disagreement..........Karl R. Popper
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chonsigirl
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Post by chonsigirl »

Jas, do not buy into the guilt trip he is laying on you. It is not your fault, and you will not go to hell for leaving an abusive relationship. That is not the way it is supposed to be. You have gotten on with your life, and he needs to do the same. Try to stop all contact with him, and continue with the new life you have planned.
lady cop
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Post by lady cop »

Jasmund, if this is the guy we discussed privately, you have nothing to feel guilty about. and he deserves NO consideration whatsoever, BE STRONG, BE ADAMANT!! if you are truly committed to your intended, this should not even be a factor. pretend he's dead.
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nvalleyvee
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Post by nvalleyvee »

Far Rider wrote: Why don't you have your new husband to be... have a 'word' with him.


Maybe he is a wimp who won't get involved. Maybe this would just enrage the ex. I would not recommend a "word" - I would recommend a direct threat. Maybe "word" means the same thing to men.
The growth of knowledge depends entirely on disagreement..........Karl R. Popper
jasmund
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Post by jasmund »

-Far rider-



-First of all I cant, and he has spoken to him on the phone, but for 6 years my ex-has sat outside my townhouse at night and watched our house, followed me and called me on my cell phone to harass me freak my son out, turn him against me, which isnt the case n ow, I have called the police, and I have gotten restraining orders, he tells me "It's just a piece of paper "It cant stop me, I have told the police, and they go and have a talk with him. I have told my fiance look you know how unstable he is are ya sure you want all this extra baggage, and he said yep I am sure! Today I told him that he really needs to move on. He cant keep a girlfriend they are all B#$%$#&!!!!! and run his life So he says! I want him to move away!!!!

When I move , he moves 2 streets up. The move before here, I rented an apartment in the middle of the week, in the morning and within 2 hours he was parked next to my car. This is 2 towns away from where he lived.Now he lives 2 streets up, so as I am packing to move out into the country, the words mace, shotgun, baseball bat , home security system, living willl, pop into my mind.
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Betty Boop
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Post by Betty Boop »

Please don't let him manipulate you any more. I have one thats trying to do just that.

Everytime he starts with his mind games, I mentally switch off from him and go back to the day I left him and run through in my mind what he did and said to me, that makes me angry and I switch back to the present and remind him of what he did then tell him to leave.
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Betty Boop
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Post by Betty Boop »

jasmund wrote: -Far rider-





-First of all I cant, and he has spoken to him on the phone, but for 6 years my ex-has sat outside my townhouse at night and watched our house, followed me and called me on my cell phone to harass me freak my son out, turn him against me, which isnt the case n ow, I have called the police, and I have gotten restraining orders, he tells me "It's just a piece of paper "It cant stop me, I have told the police, and they go and have a talk with him. I have told my fiance look you know how unstable he is are ya sure you want all this extra baggage, and he said yep I am sure! Today I told him that he really needs to move on. He cant keep a girlfriend they are all B#$%$#&!!!!! and run his life So he says! I want him to move away!!!!

When I move , he moves 2 streets up. The move before here, I rented an apartment in the middle of the week, in the morning and within 2 hours he was parked next to my car. This is 2 towns away from where he lived.Now he lives 2 streets up, so as I am packing to move out into the country, the words mace, shotgun, baseball bat , home security system, living willl, pop into my mind.




Where are you?? I mean what country, and why isn't the restraining order working??



The day I left I got an anti-molestation order out against my husband, if he came near me and verbally or physically abused me he would have been arrested.
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BabyRider
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Post by BabyRider »

I just cannot believe the huge concentration of women who have put up with "men" like this that hang out in FG. It boggles my mind.

Jasmund, if I was standing next to you right now, I'd tell you what I'm going to tell you while grabbing your shoulders and looking you in the eye. There would also be a lot more swearing than I can get away with here.



THESE MEN DO NOT CHANGE. Ever. For any reason. You have to learn to protect yourself. Between bouts of depression and brain-numbing fear of my ex, I took self defense. I am a huge advocate of EVERY woman, no matter if they have suffered abuse, to take a GOOD self-defense course. And then come talk to me about how to fight dirty.

After my course, I felt empowered. I felt strong, I felt like I was no longer a victim. I got away from my abuser and started over. And then another man hit me. Once. He ended up in the hospital. There is nothing like the feeling you get just from KNOWING you can defend yourself if you need to. It changes everything. When you get to throw your instructor over your shoulder and beat the snot out of him/her, you will be so amazed. I don't care how small you are, or how big your attacker is. There are things you can do to disable a person of ANY size. Learn them. If the cops won't or can't help you, you have to do it yourself. I'm sure even LC will agree with me here that the cops can often do nothing UNTIL he hurts you again, and by then it is often too late. Do it for your son. Yes, I'm playing on the guilt factor. Because I know exactly what you're going through.
[FONT=Arial Black]I hope you cherish this sweet way of life, and I hope you know that it comes with a price.
~Darrel Worley~
[/FONT]










Bullet's trial was a farce. Can I get an AMEN?????


We won't be punished for our sins, but BY them.




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mominiowa
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Post by mominiowa »

The hair stood up on end when I read your second post....Please be careful and stay away--he is not a normal man.. I ended up moving 4 hours away from a man that would wait by my door and then knock on it and scream till he got ME kicked out of the apartment becuase of the local PD...He worked at a upstanding firm and was well known by the city--Yes well- known in the daytime when he was SOBER! Arghhhhhh----be careful girl...I will say an extra one for you....(mine finally sobered up and got a life after 4 years)...I hope u can get the point to him soon...


~~The Family~~

Happiness is knowing where you come from...

Who you are...

And why you are here.....
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Peg
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Post by Peg »

#1. He is an EX for a reason.

#2. How could you even feel guilty for leaving this?

#3. If he is making you have doubts on your next marriage, don't get married.

I just cannot understand how this guy could give you doubts. I'd swear our ex-husbands are the same person.
lou-lou
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Post by lou-lou »

Hi i've just read your posts jas some men are just not meant to have "normal" relationships with women and girl your ex certinally (sorry spelling) is one of them!!! Have you been to your local pd i know you've moved but they must have acess to his files. I also agree with Biker Kick His A***

you must feel like you are:-5 Hope it all works out well for you and DON'T let him talk you into anything for your own safety and your sons
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buttercup
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Post by buttercup »

i hear you & i hear br too, it would seem manipulators just see us coming, its difficult to fight back when you are by nature a soft person, im a wimp but im lucky in i have a few males around me like far rider who sort any nasty stuff like you describe out for me, violence is not required when the other party realises its possible,

he's going for you as no one else is defending you, are there no men in your life that can take him aside for a quiet back off word?
jasmund
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Post by jasmund »

-THANKS TO ALL OF YOU!

I would lilke to say yes I am commited to my fiance 100%. I have this feeling though that my ex Will commit suicide, and thats what I am dealing with. I have been happy for 6 years on my own, and for any of you that have been a single parent struggling with medium paying job and little child support if any,knows that if a human being would rather choose to loose everything and start over , than their previous life was not fun. I have my child so for me I still have everything, and my faith. I mentioned before that I really dont have family, but you guys sure can give a person that all over warm fuzy feeling. Thanks
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Betty Boop
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Post by Betty Boop »

I can sypathise with you, my ex has threatened suicide all through our ten year marriage and now it's over he threatens on more or less a weekly basis.

I try to ignore it, but it is hard, I don't react to what he says but when he does finally go, or put the phone down, there is always that nagging doubt of 'what if'.

At the end of the day they are adults and responsible for their own behaviour, if they were serious they would have done it the first time and told no-one.
LottomagicZ4941
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Post by LottomagicZ4941 »

I always get in trouble online when I give advice. So I'm going to avoid putting in my two cents worth.

"You get nothing for nothing and nothing is ever free" Rainbow

Well I have had my share of "free lunches" mostly in College. However someone else picked up the tab.

A pre college friend of mine use to say if it is a penny for your thoughts why does everyone have to offer their two cents worth.

Well anyway the time I got in trouble for giving the "free advice" it was a request for a man's opinion and well my opinion was certanily unpopular.

Lotto

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LottomagicZ4941
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Post by LottomagicZ4941 »

[QUOTE=BabyRider]I just cannot believe the huge concentration of women who have put up with "men" like this that hang out in FG. It boggles my mind.

Jasmund, if I was standing next to you right now, I'd tell you what I'm going to tell you while grabbing your shoulders and looking you in the eye. There would also be a lot more swearing than I can get away with here.



THESE MEN DO NOT CHANGE. Ever. For any reason. QUOTE]

Had a friend in college who was more then likely killed by her husband. Say more then likely as they never found her body.

Never understood why women gravitate towards these guys.

Nice guys often lack girlfriends while the jerks often string a couple along at a time. It is sad. Hopefully people don't get to upset at me speaking a sad truth.

I've been victimized by this phanomum not as bad as the gals but it is not fun to see someone throw their life away.

One gal a co-worker got engaged to marry an abusive guy and all us male co-workers proposed to her to show her that she could do better. We were like marry annyone else. We would point to some guy in the store.

This was one case where we mannaged to get her to think about what she was doing. She broke off the engagement. We all told her if he was such a great guy that he would still be a great guy in a year.

Marriage should be for life so if someone won't give you time to think about it then I would say move on. Hum am I 'going to be riticuled for my two cents?

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BabyRider
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Post by BabyRider »

It's amazing to me how in a world where no one is held responsible for their OWN actions, some still feel responsible for the actions of others.



Great post, Far.
[FONT=Arial Black]I hope you cherish this sweet way of life, and I hope you know that it comes with a price.
~Darrel Worley~
[/FONT]










Bullet's trial was a farce. Can I get an AMEN?????


We won't be punished for our sins, but BY them.




lou-lou
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Post by lou-lou »

honey i was in a really bad relationship for over eight years i had my two wonderful kids which is the only good thing that man ever gave me, men like that know what emotions to play on if he says he's gonna kill himself tell the as****e to crack on and do it my thoughts are with you, xx:-4
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minks
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Post by minks »

Jas, your ex has lost control of the one thing he knew he could control, you and his threat to commit suicide is his last ditch attempt to control, to control your mind and make you have those guilt feelings. Hun, I highly doubt he will commit suicide he isn't "man enough" He just wants to still be there messing with your mind. Keep your chin up, enjoy your new life and let him wallow in the mess he has made of himself. Don't pity him, I bet he did not pity you when he was smacking you around, or stalking you or scaring you. You have the chance to enjoy the future and just don't let him be any part of it in any negative kind of way.
�You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.�

• Mae West
lou-lou
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Post by lou-lou »

minks wrote: Jas, your ex has lost control of the one thing he knew he could control, you and his threat to commit suicide is his last ditch attempt to control, to control your mind and make you have those guilt feelings. Hun, I highly doubt he will commit suicide he isn't "man enough" He just wants to still be there messing with your mind. Keep your chin up, enjoy your new life and let him wallow in the mess he has made of himself. Don't pity him, I bet he did not pity you when he was smacking you around, or stalking you or scaring you. You have the chance to enjoy the future and just don't let him be any part of it in any negative kind of way.
I so agree with you some men are control freaks and this man sounds as if hes one! He probley enjoys seeing the fear on your face when you see him Jas as he is used to getting his kicks out of it honey chin up we are all here for you
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vitaeb
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Post by vitaeb »

This may sound silly to some or all of you - but it works!

You're ex is actually a very sick man. You can do something to heal him...and in the process free yourself from his negative influence.

When he is sleeping - and you can no doubt easily guess when he is sleeping - speak to him. You don't have to be in the same room. You can be thousands of miles distant.

Tell him you are sending him loving, healing vibrations. Tell him that your only wish is to help him get well. That you wish him to become a whole and loving person.

Do this every day. Spend only a few minustes thinking of him in this manner.

Release yourself from thinking of him in your old patterns.

Go about your business, knowing he is well cared for by higher forces, and that your wish for his welfare is being heard by him - at his sub-conscious level of awareness.

Feel free to do and be what is in your heart to be and do for yourself, your son and your new man.

In time - and not a very long time - you will see that this kind of effort has brought good results. Your ex will cease to harrass you.

Be of good cheer.
Best wishes and Latcho Drom

Vitae Bergman

http://www.vitaebergman.com
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cars
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Post by cars »

jasmund wrote: If you are having trouble deciding something, or just need someones input click on here and leave your question and alot of us will give you advice



Me first-My ex-husband asked me to get back together with him today, I think its because I am getting re-married shortly. Let me recap, for 6 years he has asked me to get back together, not a good idea I say! However, today he made me doubt myself, see I cant have a conversation with him ever, because he makes me feel guilty and says I am going to hell for leaving him(abusive almost deadly relationship) I guess I just feel so much pity for him. What can I do to get him to move on. I have outright told him get a girlfriend try to enjoy whats left of your live and most of all learn from you mistakes.


Jas, you have gotten some great advise from your FG family, I agree with all of them. Let the SOB comitt suicide if he is actually sick enough to do so, then he deserves it, and you're free! If he doesn't kill himself, then it sounds like you may want to consider when you start your new life the need to act like you are going under the witness protection program, relocate secretly in a new state, under a new name. There's a gapping flaw in the legal system when the police can't protect you from harm, before the harm actually happens for them to "react", instead of take action first!
Cars :)
jasmund
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Post by jasmund »

A big warm and fuzzy heartfelt hug to all of you!!!!!!



I am adopting all of you as my honorary family
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Nomad
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Post by Nomad »

This may sound silly to some or all of you - but it works!

You're ex is actually a very sick man. You can do something to heal him...and in the process free yourself from his negative influence.

When he is sleeping - and you can no doubt easily guess when he is sleeping - speak to him. You don't have to be in the same room. You can be thousands of miles distant.

Tell him you are sending him loving, healing vibrations. Tell him that your only wish is to help him get well. That you wish him to become a whole and loving person.

Do this every day. Spend only a few minustes thinking of him in this manner.

Release yourself from thinking of him in your old patterns.

Go about your business, knowing he is well cared for by higher forces, and that your wish for his welfare is being heard by him - at his sub-conscious level of awareness.

Feel free to do and be what is in your heart to be and do for yourself, your son and your new man.

In time - and not a very long time - you will see that this kind of effort has brought good results. Your ex will cease to harrass you.

Be of good cheer.

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lady cop
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Post by lady cop »

NAH...when he's sleeping pump him full of hollow-points.
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cars
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Post by cars »

lady cop wrote: NAH...when he's sleeping pump him full of hollow-points.


WOW LC, then you'd have to arrest "HER"!!!

There's got to be a better way, like an "accidental" Fire in only "his bedroom"!!
Cars :)
jasmund
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Post by jasmund »

0Thanks to all-



Now someone else please leave a problem so we can all give Free Advice.
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chonsigirl
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Post by chonsigirl »

I want to know how to win the lottery..................................
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Nomad
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Post by Nomad »

Dont pump him full of hollow points (really really bad advice) :wah:

Ok here goes...................Oh wait this is serious only right ?
I AM AWESOME MAN
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