heart broken

[LawYeR]

i say these words holding back my tears, trying best to be strong, i did all what i could do, but ur a hopeless case... the pain is great, when i am the only 1 who cares, am telling u this, we're through, for u its alright, i wasnt urs from a long time ago, ur used 2 it, but for me its all new,,, im absorbing it all in, as though it was tumor in my brain,,, i saw people i love die, i wish i was there to join them, only this wish is a crime, but something i hope for, but will never do... the fantasies i still carry in my dreamz and when im awake, i would blast them out, as though it were bubbles, nice but sickening, sweet to look at, cute to picture, but pathatic since it only lasts for seconds, u are my bubble...i was trapped inside u, way too long, perhaps the sense of attachement is what makes me upset, woke me up from my sleep, which sleep??, i was trying to sleep, but the headacke in my head just worstened..

arent u ashamed of urself? of the things uve done..but sweety i will tell u this..my case is more revolting than urs..i feel i am too deceased..when i was with u, once before, i did not know any1 but u, but when i discovered the true u, i talked and talked, broked many hearts, just to forget u, but i wont anymore, the 1s who sticked by me, i would cherish forever, as though they were my treasure, but u must be thanked, u showed me the other face of life, cuz if it was not 4 u, i would picture life as a sweet heaven, every thing was perfect be4 u came, my days were blooming with innocence, i was a petal in spring, too shy to open its way to the opened world, u made this petal bloom with ur love, but ur love was poison, ur love in toxicated me, u were a snake's venoum. they say a snake's poison is healthy sometimes. the story of the unfortunate child, who was going to die, with all remedies failing him, except the drop of snake's spit, awoke him, that's how i remember u, whenever i go to the pharmacy, and c the snake tying itself to the black alixir. but i have drank too much of u, that is why i am suffering.

i know u probably all think im just a laid back fool,, too sick for words, meaningless, yet ultra sensitive, however i am sorry to say, this is the only thing, which revitalises me, and makes me calm down...i have been brought up to talk about the pit of what is inside, however sometimes my own words fail me, and i become too shy to innunciate aloud of what is swirling in the epitome of my heart...

but i know with my words, i can write valleys of emmotions...

they say, faithful friends, that many dream of me, want me, if u knew how many i refused, for the sake of u, but i do not want 2 brag, i viewed u as my angel, the knight of my dreams, just the thoughts of u makes me tumble, and the site of u makes me feel i am up soaring way up high in the clouds...

but now i know that all of this was fantasy, mirage, illusion, perhaps it was all too good to be true, but i had my pleasures before it lasted, but the pain u scared me with are way too greater..

tommorrow i will seem to be failing my exam.. since i feel like throwing up, and my head feels like some 1 is knocking on it, as though it was a locked door...lol the time i spent with u, weren't few, the days felt it lasted forever..u know, every time u c me, u want me back..why is that, when i love u before i even laid my eyes on u, when i am willing to sacrifice my heart for u, without even hearing ur voice. love my sweet, is not the outer immage, if that is so, perhaps no man had ever loved. every time i was upset, i found myself healing my self and yours.. sometimes i felt like i was speaking 2 a wall, solid, and cold...u remember that day, i saw u, and gave u papers and left.. i was fed up, because u resist to listen, and i left u my letters in ur hands, the only way u might actually try to understand me...

honey i was in tears, but i no longer am, u taught me the harshest, cruelest lessons, in which my books failed to provide, u made me strong. u showed me the masks that people veil. u really were a good actor, if only the people handing nobel prizes knew of u, i am sure they will be fascinated. i feel if i was heartless, like in ur sake, and u were me, even with a heart of stone i would love u, viewing all the things ive done..

time goes by, and i regret my actions more and more. what am i doing? why do i write these words, and to who, peeple who know nothing about me... no i dont think so.. its for myself, but i want to tell u guyz beware, no 1 deserves to feel this way.. i was sick several times, and saw the face of death before me, i saw some 1 die before my eyes, i was once going to die, but i donot remember it in details, just vague memory recollections, but u are my death, slowly making me numb, not numb as in feelingless, but numb as though i yearn to move, and live once again, but my body fails me...

my pathatic lover, without me, i am sure you would have endless doors of opportunities knocking and u would break each 1, the way u did to me.. girls are not chocolates to taste sweet then dissolve, in ur pleasurable tongue..because God is fair. if u know that no one would punish u for ur crimes, God is alwayz watching from above. i have suffered too much. it is enough, perhaps because for the first time in my mind, i can absorb the truth, i can discern reality, every thing had ended in my brain...maybe today, this moment, is my resurrection...

i want u to know i do not hate u, and i would not lie, my emmotions are all mixed up.. i still care for u, and cry fountains if i thought ur hurt or injured, God forbid,,, but now i have 2 move on, i had waited far too long,, gave u many chances, good bye my love, may God leads u to the right path with luminating lights..

i tried to save u from the drowning sea, but u seemed to enjoy it to even listen 2 me. i am no tunes of music, or strawberry tarts, i am not there for u to devour me, until ur stomach is full, and chose another desert. i am not a vehicle under ur mercy, i am not a channel for u to switch me to another or program me in ur command, ur wish. i was ur love, i was ur second hand, 1 hand cannot clap alone, i was there to shine ur face by widening ur smile. u know if ever i see u again by mere chance, i think i will smile, an angelic smile of love, of friend ship, of the good times we shared, i will try to take it easy, i will try to convince myself it is all Ok.

but dont try calling me back again and saying u love me, my love is not the outer beauty, but now when i detected the inner u, for the gazzillions time, i will not be fooled again...