'Correct' number of partners ?

edwardm · Post by **edwardm** » Fri Oct 21, 2005 1:44 am

I know there's no such thing as an 'average' number of partners for women, as everyone is different and is based on lifestyle choices.

But.

What would be considered to be an 'acceptable' (or average) number of partners for a mid thirties woman who's been in both long term relationships and also had one night stands (though not at the same time) ?

She doesn't consider herself to be 'loose' or a slut, just an average woman with an 'acceptable' number of partners based on her lifestyle; which involes university and travelling around the world.

Although she's reticent to say exactly how many 'acceptable' actually is, for fear of being judged by others.

Hard one this and I understand that there's no right or wrong answer, but would be interested in all your views.

jasmund · Post by **jasmund** » Fri Oct 21, 2005 2:02 am

-Other than the concern of HIV other sexually transmitted diseases, you answered the question yourself.

-everyone chooses their own lifestyle

-individual is in their mid thirtys

-Why does it matter

-If you are interested in this person or someone else in a similar situation, all people come with baggage, unless you are childhood sweethearts.

-Remember "Before you throw rocks, make sure no one else has a slingshot"

ubetta · Post by **ubetta** » Fri Oct 21, 2005 5:19 am

edwardm wrote: I know there's no such thing as an 'average' number of partners for women, as everyone is different and is based on lifestyle choices.

But.

What would be considered to be an 'acceptable' (or average) number of partners for a mid thirties woman who's been in both long term relationships and also had one night stands (though not at the same time) ?

She doesn't consider herself to be 'loose' or a slut, just an average woman with an 'acceptable' number of partners based on her lifestyle; which involes university and travelling around the world.

Although she's reticent to say exactly how many 'acceptable' actually is, for fear of being judged by others.

Hard one this and I understand that there's no right or wrong answer, but would be interested in all your views.

Acceptable to who? You? Her? Someone else? Would you even be asking the question if you were talking about a man? IMO, it's a pretty strange question in this day and age. A 'slut', 'loose'?

orangesox1 · Post by **orangesox1** » Fri Oct 21, 2005 5:46 am

What would you say was the acceptable number for a man, in the same senario that your talking about.

I don't think you can put a number on it, some people would think 0 untill they were married, some would think only with the man they belived they would marry and some don't see why a woman can't pick up a guy for a one night stand and just use him for sex.

Every one thinks differently and if your asking this q because you think that the girl your with has had to many partners ( and I am not saying you are )your probably just jealous and should put it behind you as discussing previous sexual partners won't be healthy for the relationship.

I couldn't put a number on it I wouldn't have a clue, what is acceptable to one will not be to another.

abbey · Post by **abbey** » Fri Oct 21, 2005 6:04 am

edwardm wrote: I know there's no such thing as an 'average' number of partners for women, as everyone is different and is based on lifestyle choices.

But.

What would be considered to be an 'acceptable' (or average) number of partners for a mid thirties woman who's been in both long term relationships and also had one night stands (though not at the same time) ?

She doesn't consider herself to be 'loose' or a slut, just an average woman with an 'acceptable' number of partners based on her lifestyle; which involes university and travelling around the world.

Although she's reticent to say exactly how many 'acceptable' actually is, for fear of being judged by others.

Hard one this and I understand that there's no right or wrong answer, but would be interested in all your views.69! :-2

DesignerGal · Post by **DesignerGal** » Fri Oct 21, 2005 6:13 am

This is a question that should be avoided between couples. The past is the past. If you are REALLY concerned about how many partners she/he has had for fear of an STD. Get tested. Most insurance companies pay for it. And also, just because someone has had alot of partners doesnt mean that he/she did not practice safe sex. As someone who is considered "promiscuous" by society before I got married I have had three STD and AIDS tests and am clean as a whistle!

DesignerGal · Post by **DesignerGal** » Fri Oct 21, 2005 6:56 am

flopstock wrote: Edward- let me give you an answer your pants don't want to hear but your heart knows to be true.

At least one fewer then she has had.

You ,not she- has some issues to work out. Until you do there will never be an acceptable number. You are questioning something you just do not have the right to question, namely 'what did she do and with whom, before she met you'. Testing for STDs, you are entitled to. NOTHING else.

How many she has now and plans to have while with you, you are entitled to care about. NOTHING before you or after you.

Well said FLOPSTOCK! I absolutley agree. THe testing they can do together too. It could be a date. Who wouldnt want to knoe. Even though I am married and monogamous, I get an AIDS test every year, along with Hepatitis. You never know!

Nuthrday · Post by **Nuthrday** » Fri Oct 21, 2005 6:58 am

Now this is an interesting question. Maybe in this day and age you could ask something converse, like Isn't More Better? Assuming you can sidestep STD's, there's a new awareness of sexuality hanging around, lurking, just begging to come out in the open. I say go for it, be careful, be kind, live and learn and teach! And that opinion has nothing to do with my number of partners at all!

venus · Post by **venus** » Fri Oct 21, 2005 1:03 pm

This has been answered so well by the others l will leave it..

You are dead right Flopstock

How many relationships have suffered because there were questions asked, they didn't really want to know the answers too...

abbey · Post by **abbey** » Fri Oct 21, 2005 1:09 pm

Far Rider wrote: one at a time.Stick in the mud!:p :wah:

nvalleyvee · Post by **nvalleyvee** » Fri Oct 21, 2005 2:57 pm

Far Rider wrote: one at a time.

Good answer Far - goes along with Flops reply.

TenneseeGirl · Post by **TenneseeGirl** » Fri Oct 21, 2005 3:31 pm

ok not like everyone else hasnt answered this question but i am going to anyway. I think that the number doesnt matter. If your not ready to hear the answer then it could be one and you still wouldnt like it. I would venture as far away from this as possible. If you are concerned BOTH of you should get tested, before having intercourse. Also are you talking sexual encounters, oral sex, intercourse, sodomy? she may consider all of these things different and may only give you the intercourse number.

Reminds me of the movie CLERKS the bf and gf had had the number talk, she said eight, then she later admited 78 people she had orally encountered, Is that something you REALLY NEED to know??? personally i dont need to know, My husband was free and wild before he was my husband. Now the only thing i know is he has me and i have him... isnt that all that matters anyway?

Accountable · Post by **Accountable** » Sat Oct 22, 2005 4:10 am

TenneseeGirl wrote: [...] personally i dont need to know, My husband was free and wild before he was my husband. Now the only thing i know is he has me and i have him... isnt that all that matters anyway?
Hey! That reminds me of the Schoolhouse Rock song about pronouns:

Sometimes, when we take 'em all on the bus

People really raise a fuss.

They start shouting out a lot o' pronouns at us, like

"WHO brought that rhinoceros on this bus?" and

"WHAT made that horrible noise?" and

"WHICH one of them is getting off first?"

WHO, WHAT, and WHICH are special pronouns that can ask a question

In a sentence where you do not know the name of the noun,

But I know:

I have MINE, and SHE has HERS,

and he has his. Do YOU have YOURS?

THEY love US, and WE love THEM,

WHAT's OURS is THEIRS--

That's how it is with friends,

And pronouns, you are really friends, yeah!

'Cause saying all those nouns over and over

Can really wear you down.

I can post the entire song, if you'd like.

....

:-3

......

:o

.

TenneseeGirl · Post by **TenneseeGirl** » Sat Oct 22, 2005 6:48 pm

Accountable wrote: Hey! That reminds me of the Schoolhouse Rock song about pronouns:

I can post the entire song, if you'd like.

....

:-3

......

:o

.

silly

Dakotawoman · Post by **Dakotawoman** » Sun Oct 23, 2005 6:27 pm

what a silly question, it's your life ...do whatever you wish. Just don't hurt anyone....pretty simple.

observer1 · Post by **observer1** » Mon Oct 24, 2005 8:05 am

Edward, if you are in or plan to have a relationship with this woman, shouldn't the question be two-sided? In other words, "How many sexual partners should you BOTH have had"??

Accountable · Post by **Accountable** » Mon Oct 24, 2005 7:43 pm

The lady makes an excellent point.

observer1 · Post by **observer1** » Tue Oct 25, 2005 6:37 am

Accountable wrote: The lady makes an excellent point.

Why, thank you Acc!

Wolverine · Post by **Wolverine** » Tue Oct 25, 2005 7:10 am

edwardm wrote: I know there's no such thing as an 'average' number of partners for women, as everyone is different and is based on lifestyle choices.

But.

What would be considered to be an 'acceptable' (or average) number of partners for a mid thirties woman who's been in both long term relationships and also had one night stands (though not at the same time) ?

She doesn't consider herself to be 'loose' or a slut, just an average woman with an 'acceptable' number of partners based on her lifestyle; which involes university and travelling around the world.

Although she's reticent to say exactly how many 'acceptable' actually is, for fear of being judged by others.

Hard one this and I understand that there's no right or wrong answer, but would be interested in all your views.
an acceptable number is what is acceptable to you

i don't think there should be a "societal" standard to how many people a man OR woman can/should be with.