I need some encouragement please....

Post by **Sunshine** » Thu Sep 10, 2009 12:09 pm

shelbell;1239487 wrote: Today marks the six month anniversary since my hubby died. It's like being in an ocean but I can't see the shore. The ocean waters are warm and comforting, yet I can't stay in the water to long because of the dangers that lurk under the surface just waiting for me to give up. I really need encouragement and hope that I'll see the shore soon, and prayers to give me the strength to reach it. :-1
I am right there with you Shell. I lost mine three years ago and know exactly how you feel. Love and hugs. Keep you chin up :-4

shelbell · Post by **shelbell** » Thu Sep 10, 2009 12:21 pm

pinkchick;1240364 wrote: Good girl :-4

Don't forget that you have all of us to help you through it when you need us :-4:-4

Thanks again pc...it helps to know there are so many kind people here that I can call 'friend". :-4

shelbell · Post by **shelbell** » Thu Sep 10, 2009 12:26 pm

Imladris;1240365 wrote: My husband lost his first wife very suddenly nearly 18 years ago. We've talked often over the years about her, about their children, about the circumstances of her death etc. The underlying message he's given me is that eventually, in your own time, you will get to a point when the pain isn't so raw.

You'll always miss him, you'll always wonder what if, but you will get to a stage when you can look forward with hope.

Keep talking but only when you want to, if you want to shut the world out and let the grief take hold for a while then do it - there is no right way and no wrong way to grieve just your way.

Much love.

Thanks Immy...I so appreciate all the words of people that have been in my position. I do know that each person goes thru grief in their own way, but it still helps to know that, and to know that people understand that it's such an individual process. :-4

shelbell · Post by **shelbell** » Thu Sep 10, 2009 12:31 pm

Sunshine;1240366 wrote: I am right there with you Shell. I lost mine three years ago and know exactly how you feel. Love and hugs. Keep you chin up :-4

Thanks Sunshine. It helps to know that people have been in my shoes and that they are able to move on eventually without forgetting. I know it's still early for me and I'm trying not to put too much pressure on myself...I'm just trying to take it step by step without expectations of where I should be. :-4

Imladris · Post by **Imladris** » Thu Sep 10, 2009 12:49 pm

shelbell;1240373 wrote: I know it's still early for me and I'm trying not to put too much pressure on myself...I'm just trying to take it step by step without expectations of where I should be.

Best and most sensible thing that you can do.

farmer giles · Post by **farmer giles** » Thu Sep 10, 2009 1:55 pm

pain is my middle name

actually middle name is my middle name

any way hang on in there smelly belly things will get better or you will get used to it either way things may appear better

:):)

farmer giles · Post by **farmer giles** » Thu Sep 10, 2009 1:57 pm

read the words shelly

i cant spell lyrics :-3:-3

YouTube - Shinedown - Sound of Madness lyrics

shelbell · Post by **shelbell** » Thu Sep 10, 2009 2:16 pm

farmer giles;1240406 wrote: read the words shelly

i cant spell lyrics :-3:-3

YouTube - Shinedown - Sound of Madness lyrics

You spelled lyrics right..but I am not, nor do I, have a social disease. :yh_rotfl

farmer giles · Post by **farmer giles** » Thu Sep 10, 2009 2:18 pm

my fave song gives me the kick up the ass i need to make me face the world

i know i cant win but i'm gona go down kicking and screaming :-6:-6

shelbell · Post by **shelbell** » Thu Sep 10, 2009 2:19 pm

farmer giles;1240405 wrote: pain is my middle name

actually middle name is my middle name

any way hang on in there smelly belly things will get better or you will get used to it either way things may appear better

:):)

I know eventually it will ease, but it will never go away. I know it will take lots of time...and it seems like I have all the time in the world now.

Post by **Oscar Namechange** » Thu Sep 10, 2009 5:00 pm

shelbell;1240415 wrote: I know eventually it will ease, but it will never go away. I know it will take lots of time...and it seems like I have all the time in the world now.
Your thread has proved something that actually changed my life. I had a long career in sales and also in the racing Industry. I used to have a large house and paid cleaners and dogwalkers to come in as we would work up to 14 hrs a day. I became very ill and needed two bouts of major sugery and just as I was recovering, Pete was found to be in the stages of advance cancer and his consultant gave him 9 months to live.

I had to face the fact at that time that I could lose my husband. I never showed It to him but It worried the life out of me. Not long before I had lost both parents, my sister, my aunt and my lovely mum-in-law in the space of a year. To lose my husband also would have been un-bearable but I did decide one thing when he was very Ill. I decided that If he died, I would be as miserable, cranky, Irritable etc as I liked. If my friends were true friends, they would Understand and not dessert me. When Pete recovered from the radical surgery, company targets etc no longer mattered.

shelbell · Post by **shelbell** » Thu Sep 10, 2009 11:43 pm

oscar;1240472 wrote: Your thread has proved something that actually changed my life. I had a long career in sales and also in the racing Industry. I used to have a large house and paid cleaners and dogwalkers to come in as we would work up to 14 hrs a day. I became very ill and needed two bouts of major sugery and just as I was recovering, Pete was found to be in the stages of advance cancer and his consultant gave him 9 months to live.

I had to face the fact at that time that I could lose my husband. I never showed It to him but It worried the life out of me. Not long before I had lost both parents, my sister, my aunt and my lovely mum-in-law in the space of a year. To lose my husband also would have been un-bearable but I did decide one thing when he was very Ill. I decided that If he died, I would be as miserable, cranky, Irritable etc as I liked. If my friends were true friends, they would Understand and not dessert me. When Pete recovered from the radical surgery, company targets etc no longer mattered.

It definately puts priorities in place...and gives you a proper perspective on what is really important. None of it seems fair, but I've learned to let the feelings come and not fight them, and not force them. You really do learn who your true friends are, and normally your best friends end up being family. I've learned to be able to tell people when to leave me alone and when I need someone to just come and "be" with me...not even talking...just sit. But I still find, this is lonliest feeling there is. I'm so glad it's not a reality you had to face.